June 2017

Bachelor From Batchellerville Books Room At Bachelor Mansion • Cuomo Pins Blame on Trump For Cold Rainy Spring; Putin Also Eyed in Probe • Slingerlands Man Willing to Give ‘Footloose’ a Second Chance • Area Residents Eager to Trash Environment Post Trump’s Paris-Accord Exit • Troy Mom Immediately Regrets Naming Daughter ‘Covfefe’ • Friends Surprised by Satan’s Arrest


May 2017

• Study: Watervliet Has The Hottest Felons Per Capita Dying Colonie Man Wishes He Spent Less Time With Kids • Sun Mistaken for Alien Invasion By Fleeing Locals Thin State Worker Freezes to Death in Air Conditioned Office • Guilderland Man Celebrates Unexpected Boner • Fat Ass from Brunswick Rocks New Tom Brady Jersey • Trump Fires Troy Fireman • Man In Hot Water With Cops for Refusing to Use ‘Chichi’ Starbucks’ Term • Cuomo Reverses Stance on Infrastructure Plan; Says ‘Uh, Nevermind’ • Columbia County to Sponsor ‘Running with the Dairy Cows Paul Tonko To Debut Fresh Bernie Sanders Makeover for Midterm Elections • Watervliet Man's Erratic Behavior Tied To Lights Over Coeymans


April 2017

• Five UPS Drivers Missing After Attempting To Find Coeymans • Mechanicville Woman: Only ‘Us New Yorkers’ Know How to Drive • NYC to Upstate Hicks: Stop Referring to Yourselves as ‘New Yorkers’ • Malta Man Unsure Whether to Brag About Big Penny Slot Win Menands’ Stench Linked to Nipper’s Ass by Fart Expert Skidmore Students Prepare to ‘Put it All Out There’ • State Taps United Airlines for Take Over of Albany Correctional Facility • Albany Eyes New Home for City’s Dwarf Tossing Team • State Workers Treated to All-Day Carnival on Taxpayers’ Dime • Hard-Working New Yorkers Say Taxes ‘Relieve Us of the Burden of Savings’ • No, North Colonie, South Colonie Immigrants Aren’t Taking Your Kids’ Part-Time Jobs • New Hipster Bar to Open Specializing in ‘Vintage’ Beer • Delmar Man Boycotts Dunkin Donuts Until His Favorite Worker Returns • Albany Mayoral Candidate Plans Area's First ‘Cat Park’ • Police Blotter: Springtime ‘Twitterpation’ Right on Schedule • Saratoga Springs Water the Lynchpin In Cuomo’s Health Care Plan


March 2017

• Colonie’s First-Ever Bong Recycling Day Promises To Be Huge Hit • Cohoes Not Among Top 10 Hot Cities in U.S. For Millennials • Trump Spin Machine Claims Troy is 'Nicest Place on Earth • Faso Calls Town Hall Meeting After ‘Life-Changing’ Shroom Trip • Controversial Travel Ban Challenged in Colonie • Menands to Hang Giant Air Fresheners in Effort to Mask Smell • Date Set for Annual Shitty Driver Cup Series Competition • Mom Disputes Police Claim Surrounding Smudge Reporter’s Sordid Death • Bethlehem Family Sued For Serving Kid Non-Organic Birthday Cake • Drunk Man to Local Women: ‘Kiss Me, I’m One-Sixteenth Irish Cold Snap Dashes Region’s Hope for Global Warming • Schenectady Officials Celebrate Week Without Corpses Troy Sinkhole Haunted By Ghost of Dead Meteorologist Glen Dimple Sturgis East? Ballston Spa is Ready to Rumble


February 2017

• Two-Fifths of Capital Region Mistakenly Says, ‘Boston Spa’ • Cuomo Moves to Deport Trump • Brad Pitt Pledges Foundation Support to Cohoes Local Weatherman, Glen Dimple, Dies in Sinkhole Plunge ‘Brangelina’ Spent Valentine’s Day in Cohoes • Dozens Hospitalized After Overdoing It At “Mac & Cheese Bowl” • Trump Moves to Deport Cuomo • Skies Darken for Ex-Capital Region Weatherman Nickelback SPAC Show Sells Out in Five Minutes • Trump Moves to Deport Cuomo • Skies Darken for Ex-Capital Region Weatherman Nickelback SPAC Show Sells Out in Five Minutes


January 2017

• Three Days Into Trump Presidency, Schodack Man Convinced America’s Already 'Great Again' • Local TV Weatherman Sacked for Making Fart Noises During Broadcast • Citing Lack of Interest, Airbnb Rejects Cohoes • Area’s Saddest Grocery Stores Battle in Race to the Bottom • Half of Region Flees to Canada; Other Half Found Rifling Through Their Things • WRGB Lures New Meteorologist Away From Competitor • Troy to Form ‘Sister City’ Alliance with Detroit • WNYT Adds 39th Meteorologist To News Team • Report: Snobs Outnumber Normal People in Bethlehem • Schenectady Prostitute Stalker Upset by Lack of News Coverage State Worker's 'No Pooping At Work' Streak Comes To An End • Area Tires of Christmas-Flavored Crap • Capitol Region Residents Grapple with Global Warming • Saugerties Man Flogged After Vocalizing Dislike For Jimmy Fallon • Halfmoon Man Resolves to Make No Resolutions This Year • SUNY Trustees Eye Closure of Problem Television College


December 2016

• Child Satanist to Sue Capital Region Malls Over Missing Xmas Krampus • Saratoga Hubby in Doghouse For Not Buying Wife Mercedes For Xmas Yankee Candle Flagship Fails to Deliver True Xmas Spirit to Millennials • Local Xmas Crusader Declares War on Chanukah • South Colonie Mechanic Wants ‘Blow Job’ for Christmas Water Main Break Site in Troy to Become “Dirty Dutchmen” Water Park • Bethlehem Woman Planning Trip to Troy Shunned by Uppity Friends Santa Speedo Sprint Results in Albany Man’s Blindness • Smudge Takes Hit on Social Media in Wake of ‘Pizzagate’ • Man Ostracized For Bringing Bag of Chips to Holiday Potluck • Albany Hipster 'Tagged' Out at Olive Garden Troy Adopts New Slogan Celebrating Its Shortcomings • Watervliet Woman Lands Man With Job • Albany Man’s New Facebook Profile Photo Wowing Viewers


November 2016

• Milk and Bread to Join Egg in Albany Skyline Trump Tweets About Closure of Latham’s Chicago-Style Pizza Chain • Authentic Victorian Streetwalkers Add Pizzazz to Saratoga Tradition • Times Union To Run Special ‘SEEN at Crossgates Mall Shooting’ Feature • Rensselaer County Trump Backers Literally Drain 'Swamp' in Grafton • Capital Area Merchants Vie to Plunge Into Christmas Season First WikiLeaks Releases Wynantskill Man's Emails North Colonie Mom’s Surprise Bombs at Daughter’s School • Westerlo man outwitted by cat County Fair Bragging Rights Fuels Altamont-Schaghticoke Gang War • Siena Prof Says Election Predictions Will Die Down After Race Ends • Area Woman Tells Book Club 2016 Election May Drive Her to Kill Sanders backer drops LSD, jumps off Albany skyscraper


October 2016

• Siri Is Latest Woman to Accuse Trump of Sexual Abuse Male Sex Organ To Be Renamed After Menands • State’s Non-Discrimination Law Extended to Fat, Ugly People Bethlehem Grad Distraught After Having to Settle for UAlbany Clown College Poll: Nobody 'Gives a Shit' about Congressional Race • Niskayuna “Wino Mom” Jailed for Getting Too Drunk at Target • Study Finds Capital District Residents Most Likely to Believe in Conspiracy Theories • Glenville’s Ken Bone Lookalike Briefly Considered Attractive By Women Trump to Exit Presidential Race to Start New Life in Schenectady • Poll: Even Prison Seamstress More Popular than Trump and Clinton Among Area Voters Area Voters Frustrated by Candidates’ Insults, Accusations and Sex Rituals Man Dies of Boredom After Two Days in Clifton Park • SUNY Polytechnic Student is 400-Pound Person Who Hacked DNC Dead Saratoga Horses Remembered Fondly by Wealthy Spa City Pricks Busted Cuomo Confidants Eyed for Gov’s ‘Prison Team'


September 2016

• Colonie Supervisor Eyed By Trump to be Mexican Wall Czar • No One Wants to Steal Colonie Woman’s ‘Hillary Clinton For America’ Sign Rensselaer County Infant a 'Bundle of Hate' • Mall Shopper Goes Nuts When Apple Worker Calls Newer Device ‘Vintage’ • Menands Dad of Smart Son Charged With Harassing Parents of Dumber Kids • Latham Woman Runs Out of Things to Pierce ‘Woodchuck Lives Matter’ Movement Hits Troy Streets • Brunswick Man’s Bowels Burst From Dirty Vape ‘Juice’ • For Real: ‘Perfect’ Non-Disgusting Area Couple Met on Tinder • NYRA Pari-Mutuel Clerk Humanely Euthanized Out Behind Barn • Thief Caught After ‘Leaving Gun, Taking Cannoli • Colonie Man Recognizes Latham Man in Cape Cod


August 2016

• Year’s First Pumpkin Spice Causes Parking Lot Panic at Trader Joe’s • New Menands Art Gallery ‘Draws’ Inspiration From the Unaccomplished • Smudge Discovers Two Cops Who Might Not ‘Vote Trump’ • Amusement Park Accident has a ‘Happy Ending’ in Lake George • Albany Smudge Joins Media Conspiracy Against Trump • Albany Man Shamed After Photo Shows Him at ‘Soft-Rock’ Show • Missing Waterford Man Found in Albany Sinkhole Cuomo: Legal Weed Plan a 'Prison-to-Jobs Pipeline’ for Inmates Horse Meat Scandal ‘Shakes’ Up Saratoga • Smudge Reporter's IQ Drops After Writing ‘Pokemon Go’ Story • Woman with Jersey Plates Successfully Parallel Parks in Saratoga • Slingerlands Man Lets Every Area Burglar Know He’s on Vacation • Troy’s Frear Park to Host Controversial ‘PMS Golf Dick’ Tourney


July 2016

• Governor Says Concussion Did Not Occur While Playing ‘Pokemon Go’ Bethlehem Moms Struggling to Find Trivial Things To Be Outraged Over 'Functional' Family Spotted in Delmar 'Cougar-Cade' Kicks Off Post-Track Party Season in Saratoga • Albany Adult-Baby Community Adopts ‘Teddy Boo-Boo’ Cruz as Mascot •  Albany to Offer ‘Arctic Express’ for Celebs Seeking to Leave Country • Fat Guy Explodes at Troy Pig Out • SUNY to Gov. Cuomo: Cancel Our Games in New Jersey, Too • Albany Unveils Plans for Inaugural Fun Run for White Yuppies • Local Fool Expected Real Dinosaur Meat at Dinosaur Bar-B-Que • Great Escape to Become ‘Cul-de-Sac Kingdom’ Lawn Jockey Competition Heats Up in ‘Spa City’ Former Fat Guy Now Insufferable Know-It-All Who Never Has A Cheat Day Mayor Resigns as Menands Votes to Leave Capital District • Cuomo Hot on 'Game of Thrones' Wildfire Beneath Capitol • Area Drivers Hunt for Solutions to Summertime Urban Deer Problem


June 2016

• Police Probe Reports of Menands Cockfight Club • Source: Hillary ‘Giddy’ Over Taking Guns from Rensselaer County • Averill Park Man in Unstable Condition After Eating Vegan Food • Rensselaer County Calls on Kids to Start Smoking • Senate Bill Would Rename Lake George After Antonin Scalia • Troy Restaurant Owner Nabs High Yelp Rating After Social Media Meltdown • Plant Polluter Takes Ceremonial Poop in Grafton Lakes Retiring to Nisky A Move That’s Right on the ‘Money,’ Mag Says • Poll: Majority of Troy Residents Believe Mayor Cries Himself To Sleep At Night • Local Cashier Baffled by Customer Trying to Pay in Cash Albany Sinkhole Gets the Munchies, Swallows 'Student Ghetto' • Capital Region's Top Jerks Weigh in on Gorilla Story Local Hipster Recognized for ‘Awesomeness’ by Peers


May 2016

Troy 'Letting it Ride' on Belmont Stakes • Schenectady ‘Embraces’ New Plan for Old Ground Round Site • Local Man ‘Butt Mortgages’ Waterford Home • Smudge Apologizes For Using 'Normal Looking' Trump Picture • Colonie Towers to Be Renamed ‘Old People Apartment Complex’ • Voorheesville Husband Blamed for May Cold Spell • Price Chopper's Fuel AdvantEdge Card Fueling Anxious, Erratic Behavior • Old Men: ‘We Don’t Like These Fancy New Price Choppers • City Man Cited for Cleaning Dirty Water Comedy Showcase to Feature 'Classy, Demure' Women Who Are Not Amy Schumer Trampled Tulips Mark Drunken End To Tulip Fest • Feds Squash Hopes For ‘A Better Life’ in North Colonie • Cuomo's ‘God Bless You’ Law Nothing to Sneeze At Tulip Queen Hopeful's Explicit Street Scrubbing Technique Goes Viral Cuomo’s Transgender Plan: All Bathrooms To Be Unisex • Gansevoort Man Ditches Wife and Kids To Watch Mel Kiper


April 2016

• Al Jazeera in Talks to Buy Local Sports Talk Radio Station • Loudonville Cheapskate Makes a Killing Not Buying Rounds Occupy Albany Running Out of Weed Ted Cruz’s Mom: ‘Even I Don’t Really Like Him’ • Albany Cops Take Rambling Elderly Man Into Custody Trump Rally Results In Walmart Closures, Drop in Drunk-Disturbance Crimes • Spa City Momma's Boy Violates Restraining Order by 'Liking' Mom's Facebook Posts Clinton Visit Puts Cohoes on the Map, Literally • Clifton Park Hannaford to Host Republican Presidential Debate • Stench Drives Albany Man To Abandon Health Kick Hillary’s Message to Cohoes: ‘Bill Was Once a Hick from a Podunk Town, Too’ • Schenectady Raises Minimum Wage to $250K Per Year TSA Agent 'OK' After Being Exposed To Menands Man's Sneaker Patty Duke Fans Fill Pie-holes With Hot Dogs at Jumpin’ Jacks Opening


March 2016

• Galway Man Jailed for Blasting Cap in Rabbit’s Ass • Cuomo Growing Mustache • Local Women To Hit The Bars Now That Ex-Lawmaker Scavo Is Behind Them • Cohoes Prepared for Another Rowdy Dyngus Day  Game of Thrones Season 6 Spoiler: Schenectady Is Eighth Kingdom of Westeros • Young Republican, 10, Concerned About Future of GOP • Trump Cousin Claims The Donald’s Dong Is Short, Not Long • Source: Cuomo to 'bamboozle' Vermont into taking Hoosick Falls • Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Emerge From Troy Sinkhole • Saratoga County Man Fondly Recalls ‘Sack’ Of Peyton Manning • Colonie High Transfer Feigns 'Affluenza' To Fit In At Shaker • Guilderland ‘Catch’ Back on Dating Market ‘Punch-Out Buggy’ Game An Internet Hit With Local Assholes


February 2016

• Albany Mayor Featured Prominently in Adam Levine's New Tat Cleavage Blamed for Massive Northway Pile-up • Prosecutor Blows Off Work To Watch SVU Marathon • With Wooden Shoes, Devils Aim To Skate Into Heart of Area Fans • State to Fight Identity Theft By Making All Personal Info Public • Mom Files Restraining Order Against ‘Clingy’ Son • Wynantskill Man Stunned After Trump Calls Him a Jerk • Albany Aims To Cash In On Its Lack Of Civic Pride • Wayward Johnny Manziel Spotted in Cohoes Bar Gym Goers Annoyed By Man Who Won’t Shut Up • Duanesburg Man Ecstatic After Naming Son ‘Duane’ • Colonie Man Has a Bee in His Bonnet • Watervliet Woman Wins First-Ever “Under the Boob Pen Challenge” • Albany to Play Key Role in Making Air Travel Even Worse • Capital Region Uncles Call For Ban On Hoverboards


January 2016

Amy Schumer Continues Hot Streak By Publicly Shaming Albany Teen • Local Businesses to UAlbany Kids: “Change Out of Your Pajamas! • Clifton Park Pol Says Town’s Excrement Has No Odor • For Preet's Sake, No! Feds To Indict Every Last NYS Pol Sean Penn's Next Interview? NYS Assembly Armed Militia Takes Over Lansingburg OTB • Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow? City Mulls Man-Bun Ban Storm to Drop Knowledge on Capital Region Trump Cousin Seeks Schenectady’s Top Post ‘Affluenza’ outbreak Hits Saratoga High Massage Chair Freeloaders Causing Fire Hazard at Brookstone • Fed Up Local Man Sues Doctor, Claims ‘I Know My Body’ • “What Happens In Clifton Park, Stays in Clifton Park” Ad Campaign Scrapped Cuomo Fearing His Favorability Rating Will Rise • North Colonie Teens Protest Lack of High-End Apparel Options ‘Old Man Winter’ To Speak At Albany Conference


December 2015

• Guilderland Woman Hasn't Left Home in Weeks, Family Blames Amazon Prime • Source: AG’s Fantasy Sports Probe Motivated by Sour Grapes Mass Snubbings in Bethlehem Continue in Wake of Latest Home Energy Report New Mom Driving Friends Berserk On Facebook Blitzen AWOL —Santa Fears Reindeer Has Joined Jihad 'War On Christmas' Vets Say They Need More Help From VA Santa's Elves to Perform Elvis Tribute at Proctors Cheapskate Dad Adopts December Baby to Save Money On Xmas Gifts Syrian Refugees Arrive in Amsterdam NY, Ask to Go Back Home • Group Claims Colonie Would Be Less Lame With New Name • Man Charged After Eating Peanut Butter Sandwich Near Elementary School Christmas Decorating Ends in Divorce for Another Area Couple • Judge Rules Schaghticoke Man’s ‘Terrorist Hunting Permit’ Invalid Yuppie Attorney Chastised By Family For Behaving Responsibly • Local Vagrant Cuts Ties With Hipster Son • Albany Lawyer Wows Screening Panel with Fancy Vocabulary


November 2015

• Source: Siena, Albany Eyed for NCAA Super Conferences Local Whore Snared In Web Of Charlie Sheen Scandal • Man Accused Of Lying To Cashier About His ‘Missing’ Price Chopper Card • Mayor: Toothbrush found in Corinth • Area Brewery to Craft Thanksgiving-Flavored Beers • Local Douche Won't Shut Up About "Epic Run" on Draft Kings ‘Utopian Society’ Legislation Aims to Create ‘Classless’ Society ‘Exhausted’ Troy to Seek Help After Dissing Cops • Developer Calls on Colonie to Make Prostitution Legal • Colonie to Rename  Strip ‘Teen Wolf Road’ • Menands Man Happy With His (Finally) ‘Hard’ Life • Old-Timers Won’t Shut Up About Dan O’Connell and ‘Albany Machine’ • Sign a ‘Flashback’ to Sick Times in South Colonie • Poll: Region Clueless About Benghazi, But Glad Hillary is ‘Getting Some’ • Cohoes Mastodon Believed to Be Gay • UAlbany Student Dating Girl With Pastel-Colored Hair • Clifton Park to Unveil Plan for Unaffordable Housing • Group Demands Pollution Be Dumped Back in the Hudson • Bethlehem Moms Claim Famed Author Co-opting Their Kids and Town • Troy Man Obsessed With Pint-Sized Actor • Cuomo, Fuscillo Top List of Area Halloween Costumes


October 2015

Burger Battle Leads New Latham Eatery to Serve ‘People’ Patties • Area Hospital to Focus on Helping Chronic Penis Shutterbugs • Local Couple Interrogated By Nazi-like Pet Rescue Service • Man Pretends To Like Apple-Picking to Please Wife Pizza Rat Moving To Watervliet ISIS Dumps Watervliet Member for ‘Buy American’ Stance • New Plans for Tobin’s Site Has Region Screaming ‘Hot Dog!’ • Melee at Apple Orchard Leads to Arrests, Injuries • Governor to appear as self at ‘Fright Fest’ • Andrew Cuomo Trying To ‘Friend’ Federal Prosecutor on Facebook • Self Flagellation Costs Whacking Weimaraner His Vision Niskayuna Hires Private Investigator to Help the Town Find Itself Mystery Crusader Rescues Region During Recent Flooding • Three Inducted Into White Trash Hall of Fame • City Streets Filled With Sound of Music After Busker’s Squabble with Cops • Man Fakes Friendship with NFL Star and Former Local Standout Dion Lewis • Large Rural County Discovered West of Albany


September 2015

• Poll: 38 Percent of Area Men Say They’d ‘Do’ Disgraced Prison Seamstress Hairdresser to Dannemora Seamstress: “Try volumizing.” • Capital Region to Establish Local Commodities Exchange • Accidental Upstate Vacation Traumatizes Aussie Couple • Wall Aims to Stem Flow of South Colonie Migrants into North’s Tony Confines • Lily-White Woman Exposed as Subtle Racist During Gaffe with Good Samaritans Chinese Hackers Strike Again, Steal Orders of Capital Region Diners • Latham, Menands to Secede from Colonie • Albany Clerk Refuses to Issue License to 'Gay' Dog • Local Man In Financial Straights After Buying Drinks At SPAC • Feds Warns Region to be Wary of Area Cowboy Fans • Capital Region Beer Lovers Celebrate 100th Cleverly Named Micro Brew • Bethlehem Dad Who Screwed Up Gifted Son’s Diet May Face Divorce • Man’s Apathy Over Triple Crown Winner Earns Cold Shoulder From Colleagues • Famously Flamboyant Fitness Guru Helps Cuomo ‘Sweat’ Away the Flab DMV Workers Fed Up With Snotty, Stuck-Up Supervisor


August 2015

• Baffert Unhappy As American Pharoah ‘Celebrates’ Travers Loss At Earth, Wind and Fire Concert • Crescent Man Learns He's a ‘Cuckold’ • Mall Power Outage Causes Reverse Looting 'Master Troll' Behind Every Online Comment in Capital Region • Albany High Principal: “Our Girls Could Whoop Ronda Rousey Country Drive-In Closed On Fat Guy’s Cheat Day • ‘Strange Voices’ Heard From Schenectady Ground Round site • Local Police Watchdog’s Ploy Results in His Own Pummeling • Latham Dentist Drilled for Hunting Beloved African Field Mouse • Albany’s Aim to ‘Finger’ Scofflaws Via Traffic Cameras Backfires Gronk and Bros. Crash Local Kid's Birthday Bash ‘Hero’ Cop in Watervliet Earns Praise for Following Societal Norms • Source: ‘Minions’ Based On Cuomo Administration • Skylane Motel Plan Aims to ‘Scare’ Up Tourist Dollars for Colonie • Local Man In Beef With Hooters Girl Food-Allergy Law Enacted; Most Area Restaurants to Close Pitbull Favorites Albany Man’s Tweet • Catskill Game Farm to Roll Out McNuggets Yankee Girl’ Annoying Co-Workers Cuomo’s Plan to Ban ‘Train’ No Music to Protestors’ Ears‘Activist’ Judge Wants Immediate End to Rightful Convictions


July 2015

• Bethlehem Woman Claims to be Carrying ‘Naturally Gifted’ Fetus • Halfmoon Man Lost in Patient Portal • Spread the WOD: Loudonville Clothing Drive an ‘Exercise’ in Love • Crack Down on Obnoxious License Plates May Mean Prison for Some • Colonie’s ‘Sonic Boom’ Results in Soaring Crime American Pharoah: Travers Day ‘Beneath Me’ ‘Shattered Glass’ Reporter Joins the Smudge Jimmy Fallon's Finger Fracture Fans the Flames of Unrest in Saugerties • Latham Man Wins Facebook Argument, Improves Record • State Raises Confederate Flag, Just To Symbolically Take It Down Shark Attacks Terrorize Grafton Beach • Activists call  ‘Great Escape’ offensive, demand theme park change name Schenectady Rubble A Pile of Opportunity, City Says • Lansingburg OTB Voted Most Flatulent Place in North America End-of-School-Year Carnage Caused by Capital Region Teens in Quaint Vermont Town • Albany Wife Says Husband Is Not the ‘Woman’ She Married • “Caitlin Jenner” Most Popular Baby Name in June


June 2015

Escaped Inmates Found Working at Colonie Denny’s • SOURCE: Prison Employee Also Smuggled in 'Shawshank Redemption' DVD • Source: Killers escaped to revel in Cuomo's 'New' New York • Malta Mom Feared Mess Would Leave Killers With Wrong Impression • Glenville running thin on ‘Sons of Anarchy’ T-shirts • ‘Rescue Dog’ Flap Has Bethlehem Couple In Tight ‘Spot’ • Former Albany Bedroom Community, Colonie Finds Firm Future in Mattresses • Area School to Honor ‘Jake From State Farm’ Anti-Gun Group Aims to ‘Blow’ Away Firearms • Cohoes to Host Real-Life ‘Hunger Games’ • Troops Move Into Spindle City As Ongoing Colonie Feud Spills Into Cohoes • It’s True! BMW Cedes Coveted Parking Space to Other Driver • Hair’s Hoping Sawyer Fredericks Toupee Saves Green Island Jobs William Kennedy Lands Coveted Internship at Albany Smudge Gillibrand Goes Hollywood to Join Cast of Classic Sitcom Remake Megyn Kelly — A Bethlehem Girl Who Made Good


May 2015

STD Forces Local News Team Off the Air • Poll Finds Most Area High School Grads Selling Cutlery • UAlbany Students Say Noise From Nearby Medical Offices Harming Quality of Life • Ballston Lake Hubby In Hot Water, But Not Sure Why • Spa City man can’t stop apologizing • Bill would allow pols conjugal visits with interns • Bethlehem to Remove “Welcome” Signs • Rensselaer men — once again — voted area's best looking • Saratoga City Council to vote on 'Word Ban' ordinance Cuomo Unveils Ambitious Plan for Rest of Term and Beyond • Manly Friendship Ends After Tulip Dispute • South Colonie Man Credited With New Word • Milton Man Defies Odds, Completes Wife's Grocery List Without Error • From Rensselaer County Crime Story to All-American Love Story •  Endless Children’s Parties Taking Toll on Couple •  Expert: Albany Not ‘Dope’ Enough for Parking Problems •  Motorists Maintain B-Lister “Lost Her Shit” In Northway 'Road Rage' Incident •  Blaze Claims Last Standing Building in Cohoes •  News Update: South Dakota Finally Reads the Smudge •  Albany Lands Dwarf Tossing Team •  Local Celebrity Faces Charges After Poultry Found ‘Stuffed’ •  Smudge Reporter 'Opts Out' of Common Core Story •  Bigfoot Spotted at Clifton Park Shopping Center


April 2015

•  Vague UALBANY Protest Leaves Many Bewildered •  Proctors in Naming Dispute with Proctology Practice •  Jimmy Hoffa Found in Watervliet •  NYC Mayor Tells Albany to Repeal 'Draconian' murder laws •  Trucker Spotted Wasting Time Next To Waste Of Money •  Missing Kardashian Found Living in Capital Region •  Move Over Honey Boo-Boo, Gov. Cuomo the Next Big Reality Star •  Governor Shows Soft Side in Bid to Prove ‘Mean’ Poll Wrong •  Smudge to Discontinue Print Edition •  Two States Still Refusing To Read The Smudge •  Mohonasen ‘Dork’ Turned Down by Upcoming ‘Hottie’ •  Towns Aim to Cash In on Waterford Clams Casino •  Town of Waterford Disappears Leaving Locals Flummoxed •  Probe: Skelos Used Senate Staff, Resources to Find Personality •  Cuomo: Portable Urinals Answer to Underfunded Schools •  Penis Candle Leaves Albany Sorority Burning


March 2015

•  Market Provides Space for Frustrated Moms to Swat their Kids •  Local Strippers Protest Wages, Tips •  Stewart’s Ice Cream Called ‘Super’ •  Malta Man Finds Wife's G-Spot •  Schenectady to Launch Anti-Utica Campaign •  New "Love Toilets" Allow Riders to See Eye-to-Eye on City Busses •  Local Dad Faces Charges After “Junk” Accidentally Goes Viral •  Ham Sandwich indicted in Schenectady •  Disney to Build Thrill Ride Based on Colonie Town Dump •  North Colonie Kids Visit Border to See Poverty Up-Close •  George Clooney Coming to Capital Region •  Teen Breaches Armory Security During Emo Show in Albany •  Oops! Cross-eyed judge gives prosecutor life in prison •  Clifton Park Runs Out of Nature-Themed Street Names •  City Man Concedes Big Truck Makes Up for Small Package •  Cool Colonie Freshman Now has an Entourage •  Cohoes to Host Breakdancing Festival •  Local Creep "Confesses" to Meeting Chicks at Church •  Nut wants to bring crocodiles to upstate NY •  Waitress With Thick Scottish Accent Actually From the Capital Region •  North Colonie Telethon Aims to Ease South Colonie Suffering


February 2015

•  Albany News Anchor Cops to Lying About His Butt •  Lumbersexuals Flock To Lake George Winter Carnival •  Republican Spotted Enjoying Himself on Lark Street •  Here’s a Shocker: No Surprises in 2015 SPAC Schedule •  Watervliet Anglophiles Celebrate City’s First Tea Room •  Colonie Finds Spork-tacular Use for Abandoned Supermarket •  Cuomo: Lawmakers must be followed home •  Local Fireman Comes Out to Colleagues: Admits He Doesn't Like Beer •  Sonic Opening Brings Thunderous Applause and High Hopes to Area •  DVR Mishap Pulls the Plug on Scotia-Glenville Classes •  Mob threatens to leave New York •  There Is Nothing to Eat at the Pantry in Loudonville • “Ethnically” Raised Lamb at Farmers Market Angers Delmar Woman •  Rival Sketch Comedy Troupes Linked To Latham Stabbing • State Fiscal Year to End With Guv on a Permanent Vacation •  What's in a Name? For Green Island, Possible Inaccuracy


January 2015

•  Elderly Malta Woman Still Stuck On Roundabouts •  Fatso wants a second heart •  Snowman Menaces Glenville •  Troy Art Museum Frowns Upon Performance Artist's Smile •  Budget geekery begins •  Colonie Teen Puts Spoiler on Dodge Neon, People Wonder Why •  Whites in Cohoes Divided over Ethnic Cuisine •  Aide Fired After 'Hasselhoffing' Cuomo •  Applebee’s Ushers in 'Foodie revolution' in Cohoes •  County Legislator Admits She Can’t Spell Rensselaer •  Real McCoy? Gov. eyes ‘Law & Order’ actor for high court •  Esperance Man Charged with Aggravated 'Dutch Oven' •  ‘Dutch Oven' Incident Highlights Schoharie's Urban Dictionary-inspired Crime Wave •  6-year-old Quitter Receives Participation Trophy •  Scientist fears Albany ‘Egg’ may crack


December 2014

•  Coxsackie Officials Consider Changing Town’s Name •  Green Island to Remove Yellow Lights •  Albany man finds parking space at Crossgates’ Best Buy •  Mall St. Nick Says He’s No Bad Santa •  Poor Siblings Rebel Against Worthless Christmas Donations •  Colonie Man Says He is Not Santa; Hates The Holidays •  City Commission to Weigh Annual Santa Speedo Sprint •  Albany Man Celebrates Season with Gingerbread El Camino •  Malta Woman Refuses to Read Parenting Blogs, Pisses Off Fellow Moms •  Thousands of Capital Region Residents Mistakenly Discover Hockey Exists in Albany •  Cuomo eyes ban on smiling •  Clifton Park Man Asked To Leave Christmas Party After Complaining About Commute •  Troy Teen Decides To Give Motherhood ‘A Whirl’ •  Saratoga Marathoner Shunned After Refusing to Put Sticker on His Car •  Study Finds Bethlehem Not As Good As It Thinks It Is •  EXCLUSIVE: NY sells 'Bills' to Bon Jovi •  ‘Mayo Clinic’ to Open in Ravena •  'Morning Moon' Confuses Queensbury Man •  Fans of Satan Mad as Hell at Devils:The Albany Smudge •  Rabbit Test — Will Cuomo’s New Bunny Convince New Yorkers He’s Cuddly? •  Saratoga City Council To Green light ‘Smack A Skidmore Kid’ •  Smell Identified as Menands


November 2014

•  Dog Gets Rabies From Sanitation Worker •  Deceased leaving Capital Region in record numbers • Source: Schenectady man smitten •  Latham Circle Named Roundest in State •  Bethlehem Ponders Tighter Security After Visit By Watervliet Man • Waterford Women Tired Of Hearing About Cohoes Mastodon • Source: Dutch want to smoke NY's Amsterdam off map • ISIS mulls Spa' theme restaurant • Idaho Family Accidentally Visits Cohoes • Cuomo: You’ll ‘Love’ new agency


THIS WEEK'S NEWS FEATURE

• Badeep-Badeep-Badeep, That’s All Folks!


FEATURE ARCHIVE

• Malta Mom ‘Just Says No’ to Taking Home Kid’s Artwork
• Most Illegal Immigrants Oppose Troy’s Bid to Become Sanctuary City
• Saratoga Mayoral Candidate Pledges to Destroy Bustling City
• Inga Svenson-Olaffson’s 20 Questions With: Albany Writer Clancy Miner
• Mechanic from Mechanicville Tired of Mechanic Jokes
• Former Altamont Fair Poster Child Becomes Poster Child for Poster Children
• Colonie Woman Now Declares Herself a '6'
• Hubby Writes Trump Seeking "Buffer Zone" from Wife at Movies
• Local Nonprofit Aims to Discourage Men from Using the Term 'Man-Cave'
• Good Luck Finding Saratoga’s Newest Hip Microbrewery
• Developer Eyes Columbia County Hamlet As Site for “Dumb” Museum
• Bethlehem Couple's Decision To Continue Hyphenating Surname Has Area on Edge
• Waterford Man's Psychotic Break Related To Mama June's Weight Loss
• Cohoes Man Furnishes Apartment With Things Found Dumped Along Road
• Pot Sticker Shortage Leads to Injuries, Arrests
• Despite Calls to Return Home, Faso Having Too Much Fun in D.C.
• Schaghticoke man says he would ‘do’ Kellyanne Conway
• Valentine’s Day Specials and Scores Around the Capital Region
• Muslim Ban Impacting No One in Galway, NY
• Fuccillo to Head Trump Administration’s New Department of HUUUGE
• Arf! Albany Family Moving to North Colonie for Better Dog Schools
• Scientists: Ice Age Still Exists in Parts of Columbia County
• Albany Man Avoids Speaking with Co-Worker at Mall
• Latham Man Resolves to “Get Fat as Shit” this New Year
• Xmas Lights Impede Local Men’s Masturbating Mojo
• Truck Driver Makes it to Dunkin' Donuts Restroom Just in Time
• Chubby Old Rensselaer Woman Claims She’s Not Dead Comedian
• Menands Man Has “Medically Graphic“ Christmas Newsletter Censored By NSA
• Study: Albany Newscasters Fattest in U.S.
• George Amedore Wins Deep-Fried Turkey Lookalike Contest
• Local Couple Opts for Mass Suicide Instead of Traditional Wedding Reception
• Snubbed Bethlehem Mom Starts Support Group
• Bizarre Boy to Trick-or-Treat as Local Assemblyman Phil Steck
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Family Moving to Bethlehem
• Area Couple Who’ve Not Been “SEEN” May Sue Times Union
• Rexford Bridge: The Jewel of the Capital District
• From Plumbers to Single Moms, Capital District Stunned by ‘Brangelina’ Breakup
• Hoosick Falls Water Contaminated with THC, Residents Elated
• Colin Kaepernick Takes 'Anti-American' Stance to Albany
• Saratoga Ends Summer Gala Season with 'Lack of Self-Awareness Ball'
• Capital Region Goes Back to School… with The Smudge
• Saratoga Gala Photographer Blinded by White People
• Albany Man Named ‘Most Annoying’ By Colleagues
• Glens Falls to Host First-Ever ‘Old Man Olympics’
• Bethlehem to Battle ‘Average Kid’ Crisis By Limiting Births
• RPI Professor Completes Experiment with Homosexuality
• Camp Bisco Survivors Reunite in Mariaville
• Hoosick Abuzz With Rumor It’s Home to Former Famous Kid Star
• Area Hospitals Prepare for Deluge of Drunk Injured Rednecks
• Mechanicville Man Warned to Stop Talking About Soccer at Work
• Scores of Hipsters Miss Mumford & Sons Show Due to Fixed-Gear Bicycles
• Ravena Family Proudly Displays Fisher Price Toy Collection In Yard
• Police 'Keeping Eye' On Clifton Park Man Who Doesn't Golf
• Bethlehem Supremacy On Display In Annual March Down Delaware
• Bethlehem Family Given Cold Shoulder For Encouraging Ice Cream Truck
• Cropseyville Family Book Collar City Vacation
• Caitlyn Jenner Packing Sack for Transition from LA to Latham
• Treasury: Gwen Stefani, Caitlin Jenner Also Considered for New Bills
• Expert: Cult discovered on Saratoga Lake
• Cuomo to New Yorkers: “Call me 'Andy'”
• Area Homes Littered with Half-Eaten Chocolate Bunny Carcasses
• Albany Medical Center to Rent-Out Rooms on Airbnb
• Latham Woman Finds Chicken Nugget in Shape of Jesus
• Troy Man With Coloring Book Hobby Now Dead to Wife and Kids
• The Smudge Remembers:
 Lollipop Park
• Boycott Of Area White People Awards Urged As Oscars Anger Spreads
• Colonie Eager For New Hotel Plan To Take Off
• Delmar Couple ‘Confused’ By Rap Performance at Grammys
• Area Sees Rise In Men Complaining Of Freezing Their Nuts Off
• CDTA Teams With Match.com For A Valentine’s Day Commute to Remember
• X’ Finally Marks the Spot for Lost Colonie Man
• Trump Wants to Turn Adirondacks Into Massive Golf Course
• Mag: Even North Colonie Ugly Ducklings Are Sexy Swans
• Saratoga Springs to Bottle Its Air, Sell it to Stinkier Towns
• Expert: Terrorists Are Winning Thanks To ‘Star Wars’
• Smudge Investigation Discovers Hidden Scofflaw Sanctuary in Colonie
• First Ever Zwarte Piet Parade Held In Albany
• Holiday Potluck Luncheon Tests Employees’ Intestinal Fortitude
• Bethlehem Mom Shunned After Peanut Incident
• Cohoes Turkey Trotters 'Take Back Finish Line!’ Months After Cat-5 Pothole Consumes City
• Racial Tension Brings Suburban White Couple Together
• Hardcore Emoticon User Claims He's Straight
• Deadheads Blame Rash of Bad Trips On John Mayer's Face
• Albany Diocese Celebrates Poll’s ‘Sexiest Priests’ Ranking
• Uncle Sam's Ghost Moving To Canada If Trump Wins Election
• New Plans for Tobin’s Site Has Region Screaming ‘Hot Dog!’
• Study: Rise in Circular Logic Attributed to Local Roundabouts
• Heart Doc Likens Capital Region Commute To Coronary Artery Disease
• Lake George Wins “Yamaka-Ma-Con 2016” Bid
• Feds probing ‘corrupt’ Fantasy Football commish
• Bravo Cancels Ill-Conceived ‘Real Housewives of Clifton Park’
• Naturally Gifted Fetus Bored, Mother Mulls Early C-Section
• Thruway Rest Stop to Host Labor Day Potluck
• Local Serial Killer Picked for Bud Light’s ‘Up for Whatever’ Ad
• The Smudge Remembers: ‘Two Guys’ Department Store
• Of John Gray, Graduates and the Minimum Wage: A Smudge Intern Responds
• Cuomo Reveals Real Plans to ‘Mine’ for Jobs in Thacher Park
• Socialites: What Spa City girls really want to be when they grow up
• The Smudge Remembers:
The Old Long John Silvers Restaurant in Latham
• Sad South Colonie Carnival Offers No ‘Amusement’ for Resilient Have-Nots
• Bad Neighborhood Planned For Clifton Park
• Local Butcher Stuffs His Meat With Huge Tools
• The Smudge Remembers:
Tobin’s Meat Packing Plant — A West Albany Staple
• Spa City Man’s Accidental Encounters with Mom “Very Exciting”
• Liz Bishop Rumored for Next ‘Dancing With The Stars’
• Lake House Owner Won’t Refer To Locals As “Inbred Hicks”
• Icabod Crane Schools Celebrate 10,000th Snow Day
• The Smudge Remembers
The Plaza Grill: Divorced 40-Somethings Wonder Where To Go Now
•  Furniture Retailer Opens Amusement Park in Warehouse District
•  Men’s group demands 'Tulip King'
•  Colonie to Rehab Skylane Motel; Pledges to Preserve Its Charm
•  North Colonie Missionaries to Bring Proper Sanitation to South Colonie
•  Man Photographs Rainbow 'Several Times' At Wife's Behest
•  SPECIAL REPORT: Bethlehem Parents Decry ‘Average-Child’ Crisis
•  “Super Food” to Blame for Divorce of Fit Bethlehem Power Couple
•  Cohoes Swallowed By Category-5 Pot Hole
•  Businessman to City: ‘Wooden Shoe’ Rather Have a Factory than an Eyesore?
•  Local Swingers Misinterpret “Game Night” Invite
•  Longtime Smudge Reporter Fondly Remembered as a Liar
•  Expedition Reaches Summit Of Colonie Landfill
•  Wegman’s Void Destroys Marriage of Local Couple
•  Optimist Club Says Halfmoon’s Name Just A Big Ol’ Downer
•  Fake Tiger Uproar Has Lawyer and the 'Tuna' in a Fishy Probe
• Area News Anchor Has Trouble Believing People Don't Recognize Her
•  Twin Bridges to be Transformed into TV’s Olsen Twins
•  Troy Named to Forbes' Top Ten Places to Live in America
•  Clifton Park woman mistaken for Ronnie James Dio
•  Spurred by Link to 'Wonderful Life,’ Cohoes Renamed Pottersville
•  Waffle Eating Champ Visits Local Eatery
•  Met Fan Admits He Was Roller Skating at Guptils During Famous Game 6
• North Colonie Kids Visit Border to See Poverty Up-Close
•  Niskayuna Man Who Thinks He's Shia LaBeouf May Actually Be Shia LaBeouf
•  Satan Rules! Or not. — Adirondack Teens Flummox Parents