Troy Teen Decides To Give Motherhood ‘A Whirl’
By Scott Salad
Published December 8th, 2014
TROY— Troy teen Bethany-Anne Jasper is expecting.
This, according to ultrasound images recently posted to her Flicker account and a series of telling tweets in which she admitted to “finally deciding to give motherhood a whirl.”
A close friend of the 15-year-old confirmed the news, stating Bethany-Anne is “a little bummed, but feeling okay.” Her mother Diane, on the other hand, was overjoyed with the news.
“I'm so happy,” the 27 year-old cocktail waitress said while choking back tears. “For a time there, I was worried about my Bethany-Anne.”
When asked to elaborate, the elder Jasper said her precocious teen once threatened to “go off to college and leave this shit-burg behind.”
Diane's boyfriend, Steve Masher, said the two have had a tumultuous relationship ever since.
“Bethany's always had different ideas. To be honest, I'm shocked that she got herself pregnant. I never expected this to happen. But damn, we're just glad she finally came to her senses.”
Asked to speculate on what the catalyst behind her daughter's decision to forgo a career and a better life for herself, the grandmother-to-be guessed that she either “fell in love with an idiot, got horny or both.”
“I should know, I'm pregnant again, too,” she said, while caressing what The Albany Smudge mistakenly took for a beer gut.
Bethany-Anne could not be reached for comment, but the alleged father-to-be — 14 year-old Kyle Dunlop of Third Avenue — claimed he was “stoked” by both the prospect of raising a child and the idea that he'd now be able to refer to someone as his “Baby Momma.”
“It's gonna be dope, yo!”