Cuomo eyes ban on smiling

By Quack Davis

Published December 15th, 2014

ALBANY – State workers would be prohibited from laughing, smiling and most grinning under a new law proposed by Gov. Andrew Cuomo.

The recently re-elected governor will pitch the bill, tentatively dubbed “Bozo’s Law,” in an attempt to create a more serious-minded state workforce, according people with knowledge of the bill.

“This common sense legislation is about reducing workplace jocularity and making New York a safer place to do your job without feeling the need to make faces and cackling noises,” Cuomo said in a statement. “I thank the leadership of both the Assembly and Senate in advance for their action on this important legislation.”

According to a bill memo, the legislation would ban state employees from any kind of smile whether at work or play. It specifically outlawed “giggles, guffaws, grins, snorts, chortling and whooping it up.”

The bill allows some state employees — specifically Cuomo and top administration officials — to engage in diabolical laughter behind closed doors.

New Yorkers For Happiness, a pro-laugh group based in Utica, slammed the proposal as “insane and really, really mean.”

“The governor has usurped the legislative and democratic process in passing these extreme anti-fun measures with no committee hearings and no public input,” said Cherry Albuterol, the organization’s legislative director.  “This obvious disrespect for New Yorkers and their constitutional rights to the ‘pursuit of happiness’ will not be tolerated!”

Told of Albuterol’s remarks, Cuomo replied, “I must have missed the dollar bills which show George Washington smiling.  Who is Cherry Albuterol? Is he one of these extreme pro-laugh, pro-happiness people? They have no place in the state of New York.”

The proposal is based on “No Laughing Matter,” a federal program initiated in Wyoming preschools by former Vice President Dick Cheney. Insiders say Cuomo and Cheney discussed the new proposal at a recent joint conference of the American Council on Darkness.


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