Albany News Anchor Cops to Lying About His Butt

By Fenwick Jolsen

Published February 23rd, 2015

ALBANY — A local television news anchor is coming under fire for saying he was shot in the buttocks while on maneuvers with the Navy in Finland.

Cal Feathers, evening anchor for WACK Ch. 12, first stated in 2009 that he had been shot in the ass while covering a story about an outbreak of food poisoning among military personnel stationed in Turku, Finland. Feathers then went on to repeat the story numerous times while appearing on cable-access television shows. 

“I had set out, accompanied by a handful of brave servicemen, when suddenly out of no where I experienced a piercing pain that radiated through my left ass,” Feathers recalled in a 2010 interview. “It was then that I realized I had been shot in the butt. It was a harrowing ordeal.”

But in late January of this year, Stanley Orb, who was a Seabee assigned to accompany Feathers while in Finland, wrote on his personal Word Press blog that it was German radio reporter Helmut Schwanz who had been shot — not Feathers.

“My God, he’s right,” said Feathers. “With the fog of time, my memory has grown hazy and I inadvertently conflated what had taken place, confusing my ass with Schwanz’s.”

Feather’s apparent mistruth is eerily similar to the recent controversy surrounding NBC anchor Brian Williams, who was forced to recant his story of being aboard a helicopter shot down in Iraq, when, in fact, he never was.

“It was never my intention to take away from the heroics of Schwanz’s ass that day,” said Feathers. “I apologize.”

WACK manager Larry Knobb said Feather’s has been placed on indefinite paid suspension.