Waitress With Thick Scottish Accent Actually From the Capital Region

By Scott Salad

Published March 2nd, 2015

ALBANY — An area waitress with a sweet lilt of Scottish brogue who’s been charming patrons at a tavern in Albany lived in Scotland for just two years. This, according to an acquaintance of The Bull and Bear's chatty server, who said her “former friend” has an “infuriating tendency to mislead people into thinking she's someone she's not.”

Natalie Monsterman of Round Lake said waitress Jeanine Blandish was actually born and raised in Lansingburg and studied theater at SUNY New Paltz before working as a shoe salesperson in Latham until 1996.

“When Dexter's closed,” Monsterman said. “Jeanine decided — on a whim — to move to Edinburg. We all supported her. We thought it was cool.”

But when Blandish returned to the Capital Region less than two years later, Monsterman noticed a dramatic change in her friend’s cadence.

“All of the sudden she sounded completely Scottish.”

Blandish — who is of French-Canadian decent — not only talked in a thick Scottish brogue, but used phrases like “Don't be a wee clipe” and “A nod's as guid as a wink tae a blind horse.”

“It was cute, for a little while,” admits Monsterman. “But after 10 or 12 years it became kind of strange. Creepy, really. Like she's clinging to a small part of her past that she thinks makes her seem interesting to other people.”

Bull and Bear regulars were stunned by the news.

“I can't believe she's not Scottish,” a dumbfounded Charlie Denbrough said while sipping a Kiltlifter I.P.A. “Her accent was the only thing that made her the least bit interesting.””

Blandish claims Monsterman is “aff her heid,” and that her manner of speaking is neither an annoying affectation or some atypical form of Euro-trash Tourette's Syndrome.

“Nat’s a chatty wrassler,” said the robust, faux-ginger haired hostess. “A real gum bumper who havers and clishmaclaivers. I'd like to stoat her right in her wallies.”

In light of the accusations, The Bull and Bear's original motto — “Twelve pints is nae enuff tae get ye pished, so dinnae act it” — has been changed to "Wipe yer fanny batter on the curtains afore ye shag me."