Cool Colonie Freshman Now has an Entourage
By Quack Davis
Published March 9th, 2015
COLONIE — At 14, Orc Ribson is one of the coolest kids in school. Ask anybody.
Known as “Ribs” for short, the boy has “got it going on,” his classmates said. He’s “chill,” well dressed and despite only being a freshman, is a nominee for ‘Class Heartthrob’ in the 2015 yearbook’s Senior Poll.
On Friday, Ribson added a new dimension to his already bad-boy persona: An entourage to call his own.
"Let's go bros," Ribson shouted at the end of school. "We're gonna hang at the mall."
Several teenagers followed en masse as smitten cheerleaders watched, their eyes locked on the short-haired Ribson, known as a “mad baller” who excels at hoops, skateboarding and lacrosse.
He’s also quite adept at attracting followers.
“Ribs got a crew now,” an impressed senior told the Smudge, speaking on the condition of anonymity for fear of not being allowed into Ribson’s inner circle. “Seven or eight brahs: It’s the real deal. He’s one of the coolest kids I’ve ever seen — and I’m pretty cool.”
“I heard he was a cool dude but I had no idea he was that popular,” said 17-year-old senior cheerleader Honkette Blabbers. “Maybe I’ll have him take me to Prom.”
Some junior and senior girls at the school are so taken with Ribson, in fact, they are even comparing him to Hollywood hunk Robert Pattinson of “Twilight” fame.
Colonie school officials declined comment on Ribson’s status, saying only: “Mr. Ribson is certainly a student here. We are extremely pleased to have him for the next four years.”
Signs of the teen's entourage were first noticed when two highly popular students and noted Lax Bros — junior Rip Hunkle and senior T.J. Cops – said they were headed to Professor Java’s on Wolf Road.
“Let’s see what Ribs is doing first,” Hunkle was overheard saying. “He’s a cool dude.”
Ernston Powers, a veteran professor of High School Popularity Studies at the State University of New York at Albany, said it would be a grave mistake to assume Ribson is the coolest student ever to walk the halls of Colonie High. But, he said, the teen is “easily" the coolest kid to go to that school since Richie “Mad Ripper” Rhubarb in 1993.
Insiders say Ribson’s ascent in status helps fill a power vacuum that opened with the graduation of senior Manny “Happybee” McDanza — now considered one of the coolest freshman students at the State University of New York at Brockport.