Oops! Cross-eyed judge gives prosecutor life in prison

By Quack Davis

Published March 16th, 2015

ALBANY -- A tough-talking but cross-eyed state judge accidentally sentenced a crime-busting prosecutor to life without parole.

“Don’t you ever come near this county again you scoundrel,” longtime Judge Robert Huffigan wailed at respected Assistant District Attorney Josh Cooterson, whom he mistook for convicted mobster Jackie “ the Historian” McGernsicle.

“I sentence you to life without parole, you punk. What do you say to that?”

The judge was wearing his reading glasses and not the pair of glasses he typically wears in court. As such, he accidentally directed his ire – and prison term – at Cooterson, who was promptly taken into custody for transport to the county jail.

McGernsicle defense attorney Zolden Walters immediately asked for his client’s release and Huffigan obliged.

“The court would like thank you and your office for your hard work on this case,” the judge said to a legal pad he mistook for Walters. “Thanks for putting that punk away.”

District attorney spokesman Nicodemus McCarthy said Cooterson, a married father and part-time preacher, would have to remain at the jail until the case could be appealed. He estimated that could take as long as nine years.

"I don't like it anymore than you do," he said,  "but the law is the law."

McGernsicle, an old school gangster and expert on American history, was convicted in March of murdering 75 people. The carnage was caught on video.


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