Cuomo: Portable Urinals Answer to Underfunded Schools

By Curtis Riboflavin and Pug Ransom

Published April 6th, 2015

ALBANY – Rather than provide enough school aid to ease overcrowding, Gov. Andrew Cuomo is pushing a controversial plan under which students would be required to wear “bathroom buddies” so that existing hallway restrooms could be used for instruction.

“This is a win-win solution,” said Cuomo. “Schools statewide will be able to convert existing space at virtually no cost, while children won’t have to leave the classroom in order to go potty and risk missing out on important lessons.”

The “Bathroom Buddy”— developed originally so that sports fans could avert long bathroom lines at crowded arenas and stadiums — are portable urinals that are attached to one’s body and concealed underneath clothing.

But while popular with certain segments of the population such as NFL diehards and NASCAR fans, parents across New York state are hardly pleased with the idea of sending their kids off to school each morning with toilets attached to their legs.

Rebecca Smarsh of Bethlehem called the Cuomo plan “disgusting.”

“As a mother of four beautiful, well-adjusted and naturally gifted children, I cannot imagine a more offensive, unhealthy and reprehensible idea,” Smarsh said. “It’s gross.” 

Cuomo disagrees.

“Now more than ever, in this era of higher standards and the completely and totally confusing Common Core, children need to be focusing on their schoolwork,” he said. “They ought not be distracted by things like Mother Nature.”

But Dr. Luntz Bunzfelder of Albany State College, who has tracked education funding under Cuomo, called the governor’s plan “shortsighted.”

“For the sake of argument, even if this proposal was viable, it falls short,” said Bunzfelder. “The Bathroom Buddy might be helpful sometimes, but it certainly won’t be of any use when somebody’s gotta poo.”