Town of Waterford Disappears Leaving Locals Flummoxed

By Fred Furnace

Published April 6th, 2015

COHOES – Most mornings, Cohoes resident Jimmy Finny walks from his Ontario Street home to the McDonald's located a mile away in the Town of Waterford. Yesterday morning, however, Finny’s walk was interrupted by the shocking news that Waterford had seemingly vanished overnight.

"I had just crossed the bridge into Waterford when I looked up and realized it wasn't there. The entire town – land and all – has disappeared. Craziest thing I’ve ever seen!”

Though Waterford has long been a somewhat forgotten town in the Capital Region, residents and local leaders, nonetheless, are in a state of “shock and confusion” over how a place could simply vanish out of the blue.

“You might read about something like this happening in Mexico or Norway,” said Lansingburgh Mayor Billy Marinara-Ricotta. “But when it happens in your own backyard, it is just shocking.”

Early efforts to find the town have been frustrated by logistical and jurisdictional issues.

"This sort of search effort would normally be handled directly by Waterford," said befuddled Cohoes Mayor Chuck McDoop. "But there is no Waterford right now. So who the hell even has jurisdiction over this? I have no clue!”

Gov. Andrew Cuomo has been made aware of the situation and has pledged state resources to find the town.

"We will do what it takes to figure out what happened to Waterford," Cuomo promised. "If we can find it, great. If not, we will at least bring to justice those who took it."

Meanwhile, the Internet is abuzz with rumors, including a theory that Waterford was secretly packed into Mayflower moving trucks and is currently en route to a better life in Indianapolis. Thus far, Indianapolis is denying the report.

Until the town is found, Finny says he will patronize the Dunkin’ Donuts on Saratoga Street instead.

“They don’t have a dollar menu,” said a noticeably irritated Finny, “That’s a real inconvenience for me right now.”


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