Mohonasen ‘Dork’ Turned Down by Upcoming ‘Hottie’
By Quack Davis
Published April 12th, 2015
ROTTERDAM – A 17-year-old Mohonasen High School senior was turned down by an attractive female student whom he asked on a date, kids said.
Kellen Orc mustered the nerve to ask junior Amy Shent if she wanted to “hang out or something,”
Orc, one of the school’s worst swimmers and who resembles actor Michael Cera, asked Shent out during a break between classes, according to gossiping students with knowledge of the would-be date at Crossgates Mall.
Shent, a smart but shy 16-year-old blonde who wears glasses but who seniors consider an up-and-coming “hottie,” told Orc: “Yeah, it sounds cool.” Then she added, “We should all hang out: you, me, Molly, Theo, Jasper… you know, the whole gang.”
“Yeah that would be cool, I guess," he said. "But I was thinking maybe you and, like maybe, I don’t know, maybe me and you could, I don’t know, go together?”
“Yeah, that’s cool,” Shent said, looking down. “We could all go together. You, me and the whole gang. I know Bonnie will be there. I think she likes you or something.”
Orc said, “cool” and then walked way. But pressed later by friends, he then went back to Shent after school and this time, Orc laid his cards on the table.
“So, like Amy… I like you a lot,” Orc said, according to an eyewitness who live-Tweeted the exchange. “I don’t know, so you, um, you wanna make out with me or something? Be like, I don't know, my girlfriend?”
“Oh,” Shent said. “Sorry Kellen.. I just don’t think that would be a good idea. I don’t think of you that way. Not at all. Just, um, no. I’m sorry.”
Orc nervously laughed and said, “Nah, I was just joshing anyway. I’ll see you out with the gang.”
Shent smiled, waited for Orc to clumsily walk away and Tweeted, “OMG! Orc the Dork just asked me out. Ewwwwwww! Like I would EVER go there! OMG! LOL!”
Orc was rejected earlier this year by Leigh Sorbo, who is now dating Rocco “Hot Roc” Callahan, a lacrosse star considered the front-runner to win Best Looking student this year.