Towns Aim to Cash In on Waterford Clams Casino

By Fred Furnace

Published April 12th, 2015

LANSINGBURGH – In wake of the publicity Schenectady has been getting over its casino project, the mayors of Cohoes, Lansingburgh and Menands announced Monday their own proposal to bring gaming action to their area.

"Schenectady is no great shakes," said Cohoes Mayor Chuck McDoop. "Our casino will be better. And we have three towns in on the action, not just one."

"Last time I checked, three was better than one," added Menands Mayor Alice Dirt.

The venture will be named "Clams Casino" after the three towns – Cohoes, Lansingburgh and Menands – participating in the plan.

"Clams Casino is going to be huge," boasted Lansingburgh Mayor Billy Marinara-Ricotta. "Everyone from Menands to Malta is gonna crave Clams Casino."

Curiously, the plan involves locating the casino on Route 9 in the town of Waterford, which is not affiliated with the project. The casino will have an intimate 900 square-foot gaming floor, about the size of a typical one-bedroom apartment. No hotels, restaurants, off-street parking or restrooms are included in the proposal.

"We need to be realistic on cost," said Marinara-Ricotta. "Plus, there is a Stewart's less than a mile away. So we probably don’t need all those fancy extras anyway."

The mayors have not yet applied for a gaming license for the project, and according to the state Gaming Board, no licenses are currently available.

"This project has no chance. Zero," said state Gaming Commissioner Martha Hummer. "The few licenses we have are worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Even if one were available, we would never waste our time with these nincompoops."

But the mayors remain undeterred. "We are moving ahead with the plans for Clams Casino," said Mayor McDoop. "And we like our odds."


•  Smell Identified as Menands
•  Cohoes Swallowed By Category-5 Pot Hole
•  Optimist Club Says Halfmoon’s Name Just A Big Ol’ Downer
• Waterford Women Tired Of Hearing About Cohoes Mastodon