Governor Shows Soft Side in Bid to Prove ‘Mean’ Poll Wrong

By Pug Ransom

Published April 19th, 2015

(©2015—The Albany Smudge)

ALBANY — On the heels of a new poll showing an overwhelming majority of New Yorkers believe Andrew Cuomo is the “meanest governor ever,” his administration today announced he will soon begin serving as a mentor to underprivileged children.

“Gov. Cuomo, like so many geniuses before him, is simply misunderstood,” said Cuomo spokesman Igor Feldman. “And let me add, the governor’s decision to volunteer his time has nothing to do with this grossly erroneous and inflammatory poll. The timing is mere coincidence.”

The poll — released Sunday by the Kip Randall University Public Opinion Institute — showed 91 percent of New Yorkers believe Cuomo is the meanest governor in state history. Another 6 percent said they believed he was “kind of mean,” 2 percent had no opinion and 1 percent said he was “just super.”

Though Feldman insisted the governor does not pay attention to polls, Cuomo has taken several noticeable measures in recent months to deflect criticism that he is unpleasant and vindictive.

In November, the governor established a state Department of Love as part of an orchestrated attempt to “lead the nation toward tenderness, adulation and passion.” And in December, he confirmed that he had adopted a furry Himalayan bunny named “Don.”

“The governor is warm and amiable and he has so much to share,” said Feldman.

Though the spokesman declined comment on the type of wisdom Cuomo might impart upon the children, a source at the Capitol told The Albany Smudge the governor will most likely teach the kids how to impose one’s will upon others and how to exact revenge on those who cross them. 


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