Missing Kardashian Found Living in Capital Region

By Pug Ransom

Published April 19th, 2015

Camera-shy Kankles Kardashian lives a quiet life above a wig factory
in Watervliet

WATERVLIET — The long-estranged sister of the Kardashian clan has been discovered living in Watervliet, where she leads a quiet life residing in a one-bedroom apartment above a city wig factory across the street from Bob’s Diner.

Kankles Kardashian — known more widely in supermarket tabloids as “Kim’s Missing Sister”— has been living in the Capital Region since 2005, The Albany Smudge has learned.

In an exclusive interview with the Smudge, Kankles said her migration from Hollywood to Watervliet was prompted by her desire to live “a simple life in an area devoid of excitement and opportunity.” And, while she insisted she loves her ubiquitous if not over-exposed family, those close to Kankles say she fled here in a desperate bid to escape the clutches of her fame-thirsty mother, Kris.

“Kim shot to stardom about twelve years ago, when her infamous sex tape wound up on the Internet,” said Buptka Llewellyn, who sells Kankles her cigarettes each morning at City News & Tobacco. “After that, Kris just lost her mind and began whoring her children to anyone who would pay. She will stop at nothing. But Kankles, well, she just has no taste for the glamorous life. She wants nothing to do with sex tapes, Reality TV or ass implants.”

Squiggy Nussbaum said Kankles “pretty much keeps to herself,” adding his friend spends most of her time selling used toasters on Craigslist.

“It’s a home-based business,” Nussbaum said. “She’s doing really well with it. The girl is a sharp cookie.”

Guarded and soft-spoken, Kankles refused to divulge any gossip concerning her famous siblings and god-awful mother. But, when the subject changed to her stepfather Bruce Jenner — the former gold-medal Olympic decathlon champion who reportedly is transitioning into a woman — Kankles became protective and made it clear he has both her love and support.

“He’s a great guy and what he’s accomplished in his life is nothing short of amazing,” said Kankles. “I just wish that everyone, once and for all, would leave my Dad and his vagina alone.”


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