Jimmy Hoffa Found in Watervliet

By Pug Ransom

Published April 26th, 2015

WATERVLET — Turns out Jimmy Hoffa never reached the Giants’ end zone, after all.

A public works crew patching the crater-laden pavement on Crudd Avenue in the city Friday discovered the famed Teamster’s boss trapped in a pot hole just around the corner from Muddy’s Too.

“It was the damnedest thing,” said city Road Supervisor Porky Hook. “The unrelenting cold temperatures this past winter really wreaked havoc on our streets and this year’s pot holes were deeper than usual. One of the workers was just about to lay some asphalt down when he noticed a face staring back up at him. Next thing he knows, the guy is saying, ‘Get me the hell outta here.’”

Missing since 1975, the famed union boss was long-rumored to have been buried in the end zone of the former Giants stadium. Other reports said Hoffa, who was last spotted outside a Detroit restaurant, was killed by the mob and then run through a wood chipper.

Hook said Hoffa told his crew that he actually left Detroit 40 years ago and was headed back to New Jersey when he suddenly started “jonesing” for some Stewarts’ famous Adirondack Bear Paw ice cream.

But upon entering the Capital Region, Hoffa apparently took a wrong turn in Cohoes, ended up in Watervliet and then ran out of gas. After exiting his vehicle, he started walking down Crudd Avenue looking for a fuel station when he fell into a pot hole.

“He said he twisted his ankle and wasn’t able to pull himself out. The next day, a city road crew came by and filled it, and since then, he’d been stuck down there.”

Attempts by The Albany Smudge to locate Hoffa were unsuccessful Friday. Hook said after the legendary Teamster was pulled out of the hole, he posed for a quick round of selfies with the public works crew before setting out to find a men’s room.

“He said he had to pee like a race horse,” said Hook. “Hell, you can’t blame him. If I was trapped in a pot-hole for 40 years, I’d have to piss pretty bad, too.”


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