NYC Mayor Tells Albany to Repeal 'Draconian' murder laws

By Quack Davis

Published April 26th, 2015

ALBANY — New York City's uber-liberal mayor wants Albany lawmakers to overturn the state’s murder laws, calling them an infringement upon New Yorker’s freedom of expression.

"The only thing we need to kill are these Draconian laws which represent the very epitome of government overreach," Mayor Bill de Blasio said while addressing lawmakers at an $8-a-head fund raiser at Chipotle sponsored by New Yorkers In Support of Homicidal Maniacs, an eclectic group of psychotic murderers from across the Empire State.

"This is about choice. And while we’re at it, we also need to legalize post-natal abortion," said de Blasio, who later told The Albany Smudge that “if we decriminalize this overly broad statute, I will be very, very popular among criminals."

Otis “The Butcher” Gacey, now serving time in Attica for killing 93 people, said the mayor’s plan is “long overdue.”

“Take a look around,” Gacey said. “Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber, Ted Cruz, Gwenyth Paltrow, Don Henley… There are a helluva lot more serious threats out there than someone like me who’s got a penchant for murdering.”

A spokesman for Democratic Assembly Speaker Carl Heastie declined comment on de Blasio’s plan, saying only, "We'll take a look at it."

Meanwhile, a spokesman for Republican Senate Majority Leader Dean Skelos said of the mayor: “Holy crap. This guy’s even more bat-shit crazy than we first thought.”


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