Motorists Maintain B-Lister “Lost Her Shit” In Northway 'Road Rage' Incident
By Scott Salad
Published May 10th, 2015
Photo Courtesy of Andrea Raffin
CLIFTON PARK — Several motorists caught in a recent traffic jam that tied up northbound traffic for hours on I-87 last month are insisting they saw actress Gwyneth Paltrow losing it behind the wheel of her luxury automobile.
“At first I was like, ‘Oh cool, I think that's Gwyneth Paltrow behind me,’” said Marty Kooklebee of Saratoga Springs. “But then, as time passed and she began to lose her shit, I grew more and more concerned for the safety of everyone around me.”
The delay stranded several thousand commuters who were forced to sit patiently in their vehicles as firefighters battled flames that sparked in the aftermath of the wreck that caused the tie-up.
But, the motorist who many believe was the Academy Award winning actress from Shakespeare In Love, was having none of it.
“The police closed the two left-hand lanes, so I had to merge in front of a BMW,” said Sheila Keigelman of Malta. “The driver screamed out her window at me. I was like, ‘Is that Gwyneth Paltrow?’”
The woman was “losing her shit,” Keigleman added. “At one point, I thought she was going to get out of her car and smash in my windows.”
Beatrice Maude of Glens Falls had a similar run-in with the woman.
“Gwyneth was in the car next to me for close to an hour. It was hot, so my windows were rolled down. She was screaming all kinds of obscenities. Then she looked over at me and said, 'What are you looking at, bitch?'”
Maude, a 75-year-old retired typist — who, until the time of the incident, was a big fan of Paltrow's karaoke movie Duets — said she was afraid for her life.
“I heard her say something about rapping me on the head with a tire-iron, so I rolled up my windows. Being that close to someone who had clearly lost their shit, boy was my heart beating.”
While Paltrow could not be reached for comment, her publicist insists that her client was nowhere near Albany on the night in question.
“At the time of the traffic jam, Gwyneth was most likely losing her shit in the Hamptons or the hills surrounding Los Angeles,” said Kimber Gergerman. “Have you checked with Katherine Heigl's people?”
Publicists for Heigl and January Jones —B-list actresses with profound entitlement issues— also confirmed their clients were likely losing their shit in places other than Albany.
Police are asking anyone with information to contact them.