Furniture Retailer Opens Amusement Park in Warehouse District

By Bobby “Two Fingers” Kincaid

Published May 10th, 2015

Parents can barely contain their excitement about spending
their days off from work going on amusement rides with their kids

ALBANY — Huck Finn’s Warehouse, best known for wacky carpet commercials and being completely unrelated to Mark Twain’s seminal literary work, has taken a bold step in the fast-paced world of scratch-and-dent futon wholesale.

“That’s right folks, we are now the first ever intentional furniture warehouse and amusement park,” said Huck Finn’s Ombudsman Buck Grangerford. “Maybe now kids will stop jumping on all of our unbeatably priced firm-or-plush $388 queen bed sets while playing some of the most intense rounds of ‘The Floor is Lava’ ever.”

Huck Finn’s purchased Hoffman’s Playland, a historic Latham landmark, for a song late last year after it was announced that the park was up for sale.

Albany County Economic Development Commissioner Winston “Pap” Losesome said the purchase of Hoffman’s by Huck Finn’s is a “win-win-win” situation.

“The way I see it, these jobs that Huck Finn is creating are great for three communities: North Albany, the Capital District’s burgeoning carney sect and unlucky college students who couldn’t find anything else to do for the summer.”

Asked what would become of the former Hoffman’s site on Route 9, Losesome replied:

“Now it’ll disintegrate into a burnt-out husk of fleeting childhood memories and a singular reminder of the restless and transitory nature of human experience.” Then he paused, and began to laugh. “Just kidding. It’s actually being developed into a bunch of fancy restaurants that Siena’s Admissions Department can brag about to prospective students from Clifton Park and/or Long Island.”

Local parent Jimmy Delfino Jr. said he’s excited at the prospect of bringing his 4-year-old son, Jimmy Jr., to the reborn Huck Finn’s Playland.

“I figure bringing little Jimmy to Huck Finn’s will be a great way to teach him about the insidious and mercurial nature of capitalist market dynamics. Also, I think he’s going to love the Tilt-a-Whirl. I know I did when I was his age. I vomited so many times I had to sign a waiver!”


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