Cuomo Unveils Ambitious Plan for Rest of Term and Beyond

By Pug Ransom

Published May 17th, 2015

ALBANY — Gov. Andrew Cuomo — who said recently he hopes to serve beyond 2018 — outlined a bold list of initiatives he aims to implement statewide over the next few years.

“I know some of you expect me to run someday for president, but there is so much more that I want to accomplish here in the Empire State,” said Cuomo. “There is no place I’d rather be than New York. There is no one I’d rather irritate than New Yorkers. And there is certainly no one I’d rather bully. Um, I mean serve. There is no one I would rather serve.”

The governor said his political To-Do list includes:

• Expanding the reach of New York’s standardized tests to include mandatory assessments for adults in night school working on their General Equivalency Diplomas.

• Building stockades for any person who disagrees in any way with his policies.

• Placing prison bars around the Senate and Assembly chambers to save taxpayer money on lengthy criminal trials.

• And extending SAFE-ACT prohibitions to include young children who pretend their thumbs and forefingers are a gun.

Political observers say Cuomo’s latest proposals mark a deviation from recent efforts to make himself appear more gentle and kind, including his creation of a state Department of Love; adoption of a Himalayan bunny and decision to become a Big Brother.

“I think what we’re seeing is a confident politician,” said Dr. Redd Commie, a professor of political science at Columbia University. “The governor realized those previous attempts to make him a likeable person were essentially futile. What he’s saying now is, he’s comfortable with who he is and if you don’t like it, well, he’ll throw your ass in the stockade.”

Asked whether the governor will keep his rabbit now that he is abandoning efforts to show a softer side, Cuomo spokesman Bubka Lackey said there’s been no decision.

“We may keep him. Or, we may give him to a shelter,” said Lackey. “We may even eat him. I never had rabbit before, but I hear it tastes just like chicken.”


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