Bill would allow pols conjugal visits with interns

By Curtis Riboflavin

Published May 24th, 2015

A jailed lawmaker paces in his cell,
eagerly awaiting a visit by his intern.

ALBANY – Inmates jailed for political corruption would be allowed unlimited conjugal visits with interns under legislation winding its way through the Capitol.

The bill— sponsored by the entire Legislature — states that taxpayer-funded visits from interns would afford public servants convicted of bribery and other scams the chance to “stay on top of things” as they pay their debts to society.

Named after former Assembly speaker and recently indicted Assemblyman Sheldon Silver, the proposed law is known as the ASS bill.

“The state ought not slam the door on elected officials serving their communities in the can,” said an accompanying bill memo.  “Interns are a hot commodity with incredible flexibility and that’s an invaluable resource to the Democratic process. It is like a marriage, but better.”

The visits would be paid for by a special tax on condoms.

Lawmakers denied the bill had anything to do with Silver’s pending federal bribery case in Manhattan, which could send him to prison for many years.

Meanwhile, the proposal was quickly gaining support among those ex-lawmakers already convicted.

“Send some of dat my WAY!” Tweeted disgraced ex-Senate Majority Leader Pedro Espada from his cell in a federal detention center in Brooklyn.

Espada — recently voted Most Sleazy Inmate on a tier he shares with dozens of pimps and loan sharks — said the bill could bring lawmakers serving time instant “cred.”

“You know, man, like Tim Robbins in Shawshank Redemption when he bought beers for guys in the joint? Good times."

Former Assemblyman Chris Ortloff — a staunch tough-on-crime Republican and member of the state parole board who was sent to federal prison for 12 years for being a sexual predator of children — added: “I give this plan an ‘A’ for alright!”


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