Hair’s Hoping Sawyer Fredericks Toupee Saves Green Island Jobs
Published June 7th, 2015
Sawyer Fredericks models 'The Simple Man' toupee manufactured by Fabulous Follicles
of Green Island.
GREEN ISLAND — Sawyer Fredericks captured America’s heart with his golden voice and hobo-chic sense of fashion, which catapulted him to music immortality as this year’s winner of NBC’s The Voice.
Now, the quirky Fultonville teen is poised to save the Capital Region economy, serving as the inspiration behind a new line of male wigs manufactured by a struggling Green Island toupee factory that’s been on the brink of closure for more than a decade.
“Business has been really tough ever since men started voluntarily shaving their heads so they could look like Vin Diesel,” said Fabulous Follicles Chief Executive Officer Crimshaw Nugget. “We’re hoping we can tap into the Sawyer-mania sweeping the nation. That kid has a head of hair that’s to die for and we believe he can make aging, balding men feel young again.
“And to be honest,” added Nugget, “if this line doesn’t sell then we’re screwed. We’ve scraped by the last few years only because of our meager sales to narcissistic local television news anchors. But with all the deep cutbacks in newsrooms nationwide, we’re on the verge of collapse.”
Should the toupee manufacturer be forced to close, 112 jobs will be lost, Nugget said.
“Toupees are all I know,” said Ransom Newfield, a 21-year plant employee. “If I end up on the street, who’s gonna hire me? The transition to women’s wigs isn’t as easy as you’d think. It’s a totally different ball game.”
Fredericks could not be reached for comment. A spokesman for the superstar said the teen was in rehearsals for an upcoming worldwide tour as the opening act for what’s left of the reformed Molly Hatchet.
Nugget said the line of Sawyer-inspired toupees will be called “The Simple Man,” referring to the teen’s rousing rendition of the Lynyrd Skynyrd classic that’s now climbing the charts.
“We have no room to fail. If we swing and miss here, we’re out. Game over,” Nugget said. Reaching up to the top of his head, he then adjusted his own toupee and added, “Besides, I’m not only the CEO of Fabulous Follicles, I’m also a client.”