Anti-Gun Group Aims to ‘Blow’ Away Firearms

By Pug Ransom and Curtis Riboflavin

Published June 14th, 2015

ALBANY – An activist group is calling on state lawmakers to spend the final days of this year’s session passing what they say would be the nation’s strictest gun-control package — one that would essentially eradicate the use of firearms in New York by everyone from sportsmen to police officers.

“What’s all this hub-bub about guns anyway?” said Zanphir Cobb, the flamboyant leader of the anti-gun group, Holster This. “Guns, shmuns. I think what we need is less shooting and more hugs.”

Under the legislation pushed by Cobb’s group, all guns would be confiscated throughout New York and be replaced by kazoos, which make “a really neat buzzing sound.”

"What kazoos will do is effectively tell criminals — if, in fact, there are really any out there — to just buzz off," said Cobb.

  Uber-liberal New York City Mayor Bill deBlasio, who traveled to the state Capitol to help Holster This lobby for passage of the legislation, said he was "blown away and reduced to tears" while reading the proposed package of bills.

“It’s time,” said the mayor. “It’s time.”

Santino McSpazzle, president of the New York State Law Enforcement Union, characterized the measure as “insane” and said his organization would fight the proposal.

Meanwhile, Buck Crowell, president of the Real Man Sportsmen Network of New York, called Cobb and deBlasio “a bunch of fruits.”

“Kazoos?” Crowell said. “I’ll take them kazoos and shove ‘em straight up their do-gooder assholes.”

A spokesman for the Assembly Democratic majority said the conference was taking a “serious look” at the package and an aide to Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the administration believed the kazoo proposal was “a perfect complement to the governor’s historic SAFE-ACT.”

A spokesman for the Senate GOP majority, however, said the measure was dead-on-arrival in the Republican-controlled house.

“This may be the dumbest proposal we’ve ever received,” the spokesman said. “Hey, wait, am I on a Candid Camera?”

When told of the Senate stance, a disappointed Cobb slapped his thighs with his both hands and cried: “Oh, shoot!”


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