Glenville running thin on ‘Sons of Anarchy’ T-shirts

By Quack Davis

Published June 21st, 2015

GLENVILLE – The entire community of Glenville wore Sons of Anarchy T-shirts last week, creating panic amongst shirt manufacturers who fear they’ll be unable to meet local demand for the pseudo bad-ass attire.

“We’re receiving 16 orders a minute from Glenville,” said Silas Bean, a Utah-based manufacturer who also sells the shirts that pay tribute to the popular FX Network show about a fictional biker gang. “If we can’t keep up, the people there are simply going to have to start sharing.”

The most recent surge in the wearing of Sons of Anarchy shirts in Glenville seems to coincide with this year’s opening of Jumping Jacks in nearby Scotia, to which many area folks like to ride their hogs for a bite to eat. But Flapjack McMurray, an unemployed Denver pollster and the nation’s foremost authority on Sons of Anarchy T-shirt sales, said there’s been an overall 187 percent increase in Glenville the past five years.

McMurtry said the apparel has been seen on school marms in East Glenville, dog trainers in Scotia, police officers cruising the Mohawk River, three homeless drag queens on the side of Route 890 and even on Father Shlomo McCohen, monsignor at St. ‘Sebastian the Gifted’ Catholic Church whose shirt identified him as a member of the fictional biker gang’s Reaper Crew.

“Just as I believe Jesus is the son of God, I believe Sons of Anarchy shirts are cool as hell," Father Shlomo said.

Sloppy Joe Weaver, a spokesman for Town Supervisor Ray Buffalo, said contrary to popular opinion most townspeople wearing the shirts are employed, have families and bathe regularly.

“You don’t have to be a dirt bag to wear the shirt,” said Feck Callahan, who moved to Glenville last year because he thought Schenectady was too snooty.  “But it ain’t gonna slip off yer back if you skip a bath, either — no what I’m sayin’?””

Kurt Sutter, the creator of the show, said he’s never heard of Glenville and has no plans to ever visit there.


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