Albany Wife Says Husband Is Not the ‘Woman’ She Married
Published July 5th, 2015
ALBANY — Fed up with her husband’s television viewing habits, a city woman has filed for annulment, charging in court papers that her husband’s feminine side is significantly larger than she was originally led to believe.
“I knew Terry wasn’t the mostly manly of men,” said Guppy Nettles. “I mean, hell, we met during a hot yoga class. And yeah, he enjoys shopping for designer soaps and loves talking about cooking oil, so it’s not like I ever thought I was married to Sam Elliot.”
Still, while Nettles said she accepted her husband’s “softer side,” the problems in their marriage seemed to be magnified every time Terry reached for the television remote.
“I could handle that he’s a fan of HGTV’s Love It or List It, but I found it strange he was also into the design show Dear Genevieve,” Nettles said, shaking her head. “But what I’ve never been able to come to terms with is his obsession with, and insistence on, watching The Bachelor. I mean, really? What kind of freak did I marry?
“Look,” Nettles added, “I know we’re supposed to be all accepting now that Bruce Jenner is a woman, and really, I’m happy for Bruce — or Caitlin… or Bruce… or whomever. But I’m not going to sit here and pretend everything is hunk-dory when I’m married to a man who watches The Bachelor. I’m sorry. Call me intolerant; call me whatever you want.”
When contacted by the Smudge, Terry Nettles said he was late for his pedicure and unable to comment. However, before getting into his Volkswagen Beetle, he turned to a Smudge reporter and asked, “Does this shirt make me look fat?”
Guppy Nettles, meanwhile, wonders what might have been.
“I loved Terry, but sometimes I felt he made a better girlfriend than husband,” she said. “So many wives complain they’re ‘football widows’ because all their husbands do is watch the NFL. Well, I’d love to feel their pain. All my husband cared about was what slut some metrosexual was going to hand a rose to on some sappy reality TV show.”