Bad Neighborhood Planned For Clifton Park

By Quack Davis

Published July 5th, 2015

CLIFTON PARK – Clifton Park’s Planning Board — in a brazen attempt to change the town’s cookie-cutter image — has approved its first large-scale high-crime neighborhood near the community’s border with Halfmoon.

The new neighborhood is expected to attract up to 20,000 ex-convicts, who previously upon their release from northern New York prisons, would have to return to their old neighborhoods in New York City, Rochester, Buffalo and Newburgh.

Under the plan, the Ushers Road area will be renamed “The Hill” when the convicts start moving in later next month. The town's hamlet of Rexford, meanwhile, will be changed to “Rexford Heights.”  And the Vischer Ferry section will now be known as “V-Town."

“Albany and Troy, sure those places have their problems. But they’ve got things going on there, too. They’re hip,” said Planning Board Chairman Mordecai Bubble. “Clifton Park? Well, we’ve got the reputation — right or wrong — of being sort of stale. So, I ask you: What does Albany and Troy have that we don’t? The answer: Crime.

"If we want to be a happening place, this is our only sound option," Bubble added. "Embrace change, folks."

Miller McNuggget, a town planner who lives in the future Rexford Heights section, was less enthusiastic.

“What an idiot,” said an exasperated McNugget.  "Why risk bringing ex-cons into town?”

But Lonnie Stouffer, a community activist with Occupy Clifton Park Commons, said he loves the idea and looks forward to the new neighborhood.

“We’re going to be a real community, finally,” he said. “This is how you spell success.”


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