Lansingburg OTB Voted Most Flatulent Place in North America

By Dodie Fingerton

Published July 5th, 2015

LANSINGBURG — For the fifth year in a row, an Off Track Betting parlor in Troy's north end has been recognized as the most flatulent place in North America, according to Flatus Magazine.

Known for its “analytical analysis of anal anomalies and all things analogous,” Flatus compiles its annual list from criteria designed to assess several statistical data points associated with the release of noxious gas in a public place, including: frequency, intensity, longevity, rates of successful misdirection and degrees of hilarity.

“We're not particularly proud that we've won this award for a fifth time,” OTB Regional Manager Mitch Hootem told The Smudge. “But since our clientele can barely read their racing forms — let alone a small plaque on the wall — I guess it'll look nice hanging up there with the other four.”

Full-time teller Gladdis Yute said a high tolerance for flatulence was a key factor in her hiring.

“OTB management asked me two questions when they interviewed me,” said Yute. “The first was whether I could handle the smell that approximately 45 elderly men make when they pass gas in the same room simultaneously. I told them that as long as I had a fan I would be fine.”

The grandmother of four said the second question had to do with whether she'd be willing to play a small, yet crucial role in the absolute annihilation of people’s dreams. Yute, who was apparently fine with that too, has worked for the sanctioned betting parlor since 1984.

As expected, three other locations in the Capital Region made the Flatus top 10: Cohoes was ranked 5th, Schenectady came in at 7th and Menands sneaked in at 10th.

Rounding out the magazine’s Most Flatulent Places in North America list was: A Tropical Carl's Truck Stop near Saskatoon, Saskatchewan (2nd); a Wal-Mart in Birmingham, Alabama (3rd); Cleveland International Airport (4th); a Denny's in Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey (6th); an Arby's in Goose Bay, Newfoundland (8th); and the world famous “Garbage Plate” eatery, Nick Tahou Hots, in Rochester (9th).

“OTB clearly has a firm grip on our award,” said Bill Klerkenberg, a senior editor at Flatus. “Especially the Lansingburg branch. Clearly there's something in the air.”

Clearly.

Even before OTB opened shop there in the early 1970's, Lansingburg was home to American novelist Herman Melville. While writing the literary classic, Moby Dick, historians estimate the famed scribe broke wind at least 750,000 times.


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