Cuomo’s Plan to Ban ‘Train’ No Music to Protestors’ Ears

By Fenwick Jolsen

Published August 2nd, 2015

ALBANY — Gov. Andrew Cuomo said Thursday he’s prepared to strike a compromise with protestors who gathered recently outside the Executive Mansion demanding he ban oil-hauling trains from state railways.

“Like those who demonstrated outside my home — and believe me, I know who each and every one of you are — I am concerned about our environment and the safety of our communities,” the governor said. “But, I am equally concerned about disrupting the flow of commerce in our state at a time when we are making substantial economic progress in the new New York.

“So, rather than ban oil-hauling trains, my administration has determined the perfect compromise is to ban, instead, the rock band Train from performing anywhere in New York. Frankly, I find them to be a poor man’s Matchbox 20 — but without the edge.”

Train, which performed last month at SPAC, is a favorite of suburban moms and is known widely for its milquetoast AM-radio friendly hits such as Meet Virginia and Drops of Jupiter. Earlier this year, Rock Snob magazine named the group America’s Shittiest Band.

Cuomo’s proposed ban on the music group hits especially close to home for the Capital Region, since Train’s drummer, Scott Underwood, is a 1990 graduate of Saratoga High School.

“It’s unfortunate,” said Saratoga Springs Mayor Tad Ascot. “But I understand the governor’s intentions: He’s wants to protect New Yorkers from bad music.”

Meanwhile, concerns over the dangers posed by fuel-hauling locomotives stretch back two years when a runaway oil train derailed and exploded in Quebec, killing 47 people and turning the nearby town into a fiery hell. Some 100 protestors gathered outside the governor’s mansion July 6 in Albany to demand Cuomo ensure a similar tragedy does not happen in the Empire State.

When asked whether Cuomo’s proposed compromise was acceptable, activist Nub Hanson of ‘Derail the Trains Now’ rolled his eyes and sighed.

“This accomplishes nothing,” Hanson said. “Yes, Train the band sucks. Everyone knows that — even the singer’s mom. But frankly, no one is forced to see them in concert if they don’t want to. On the other hand, nobody in New York has any control over whether oil tankers can blow through their communities.

“I’ll apologize ahead of time for the pun,” Hanson added, “but it’s high-time the governor gets off his big fat caboose and finally does something about this.”


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