Bethlehem Dad Who Screwed Up Gifted Son’s Diet May Face Divorce
By Fred Furnace
Published September 6th, 2015
BETHLEHEM — A weekend getaway ended in disaster for one area woman, when she returned home to discover that her hubby disregarded all the nutritional protocols she painstakingly established for her child.
Natalie Wilkes-Harrison, a PhD-turned stay-at-home mother from Bethlehem, said she left the couple’s naturally gifted four-year old son, Jackson, in the care of her husband, Jenner, while attending a yoga retreat in the lower Hudson Valley. While away, Jenner fed the child gluten, non-organic boxed goods and “a host of other toxic poisons” which Natalie fears could stunt little Jackson’s mental and emotional development.
“He essentially fed our child chemicals,” screamed an emotionally distraught Natalie. “I have worked so hard to maintain an all-natural, organic, gluten-free, nut-free diet for Jackson. The results of my efforts are obvious, as he is in the top one-percent nationally for mental and emotional development. But thanks to my jackass husband, all my hard work has been destroyed.”
For his part, Jenner is not exactly sure what he did wrong, claiming he was only trying to “be a good dad” and “have some fun” during his solo weekend with the boy.
The weekend started with Jenner making pancakes from a box. He then made the boy a Fluffernutter sandwich on white bread for lunch, and treated the boy to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner. Jackson reportedly “loved” everything and Jenner says he felt like “the dad of the year.”
When Natalie returned home and learned of the happenings, however, Jenner said “she completely lost her shit.”
“Natalie freaked out,” said Jenner, who’s been sleeping on a friend’s sofa since Sunday evening. “She actually accused me of trying to kill my son.”
“Do you have any idea how much chemical crap and wheat gluten is contained in a conventional box of pancake mix?” Natalie asked. “And I can’t even think about that Chuck E. Cheese visit, or the long-term impact it will have on Jackson’s development. He will probably need an extra year at Montessori pre-school.”
Jenner has agreed to attend counseling to salvage the marriage, but Natalie says it may be too late.
“He fed our child artificial colors and flavorings; he fed our child poisons,” a disgusted Natalie explained. “I just don’t think I can live with a monster like that.”