Man’s Apathy Over Triple Crown Winner Earns Cold Shoulder From Colleagues

By Fenwick Jolsen

Published September 6th, 2015

Photo Courtesy of Maryland Gov Pics

SARATOGA SPRINGS — A hospital worker is now persona non grata with colleagues after inadvertently expressing total ambivalence about American Pharaoh’s recent appearance in the Spa City.

Ferguson Crawley, who works in the IT Department at Saratoga Hospital, was installing virus protection on the facility’s network when he told a co-worker he really didn’t “give a shit” about the Triple Crown winner’s running in the Aug. 29 Travers.

“I couldn’t believe it,” said Jimmer Pippen, who’s worked with Crawley for three years. “I mean, what’s wrong with this douche? If you live anywhere within an hour’s radius of the track, you absolutely have to care. It’s like a requirement or something. I told everyone. Now we all think he’s a dick.”

Pippen said he and Crawley were talking about the track as they usually do every Monday morning, when he asked what his co-worker thought of the capacity crowd on hand to see American Pharoah.

“I was ass-deep in Norton anti-virus,” Crawley said. “I just responded without thinking. But yeah, I could care less. In fact, this is a relief, really. I couldn’t put up with the charade any longer. Every goddamn Sunday I’d have to read the papers to find out what took place at the track the day before, just so I could go to work and pretend to know what I was talking about. Truth is, I never go to the goddamn track. I know this might be blasphemy, but I don’t give a rat’s ass about horseracing. Sport of kings, my ass.”

Since his slip of the tongue, Crawley’s been ostracized by co-workers. He now sits alone in the hospital cafeteria; his car has been keyed in the employee lot and the IT Department’s administrative assistant refuses to put calls through to his office.

“One night, I had to work late and the cleaner walked into my office to empty my trash,” said Crawley. “She saw me at my desk, gave me the finger and in her thick Portuguese accent screamed, ‘Fuck you!’”

Hospital IT Director Larry Jabbar said Crawley’s “always been sort of a pariah.”

“And now,” said Jabbar, “well, he’s basically dead to us.”


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