Bravo Cancels Ill-Conceived ‘Real Housewives of Clifton Park’

By Fred Furnace

Published September 13th, 2015

CLIFTON PARK — The Bravo Network has pulled the plug on the latest Real Housewives installment — which was to focus on the lives of actual Clifton Park moms — before the first episode even hits the airwaves due to “unexpectedly mundane and boring characters” and “a complete lack of interest” expressed by focus groups.

“We had this great idea of doing a Real Housewives installment in a bland suburb,” explained Bravo Vice President Marco Scrutaro. “The franchise has only focused on major cities thus far, but we figured there are nutty housewives everywhere. We thought doing the show in some small crap-burgh in upstate New York where people mistakenly think they are affluent would appeal to the prurient interests of the local population and generate significant regional buzz.”

Bravo set out to pick a suburb with the potential for “hot sexual fireworks” and “extreme drama,” but while still maintaining “that undertone of ignorance and complete lack of self-awareness that people associate with the suburbs of upstate New York.”

The network ultimately chose Clifton Park, but now admits they completely missed the mark.

“According to our focus groups, the housewives in Clifton Park are even more boring than we anticipated. Too boring, in fact,” Scrutaro said. “No sex. No scandals. It’s just mini-vans, trips to Price Chopper, and after-school enrichment programs for their kids.

There doesn’t seem to be a single goddamn interesting thing going on in that place.”

In retrospect, Bravo should have chosen a town that was either extremely wealthy or extremely poor, Scrutaro said.

“These people in Clifton Park have money, but aren’t really rich,” he explained. “They don't seem to have interesting friends and are only moderately interested in drug use. Basically, they are just really boring, middle-of-the-road white people. No one wants to see that.”

Bravo will try again with the concept next year, but promises to hone in on either the area’s “uber wealthy” or “true dirt bags.”

“I could see Bethlehem; maybe North Colonie,” Scrutaro said. “Or, on the other extreme, maybe Troy or Watervliet. We’ll figure this out and give the people the television they want to see. But we certainly won’t ever be coming back to Clifton Park.”


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