Local Man In Financial Straights After Buying Drinks At SPAC

By Scott Salad

Published September 13th, 2015


SARATOGA SPRINGS — A Milton man who bought a round of drinks at a Saratoga Performing Arts Center show earlier this month has been forced to take out a second mortgage on his home.

James Turle, 44, was attending the Live Nation-sponsored Counting Crows concert with his wife and two other couples September 1 when he decided, on a whim, to spring for a round of beverages. Six 24-ounce cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon and two Vodka sevens later, however, the father of two said he found himself roughly $32,000 in debt.

“I have no idea how it happened,” Turle said. “They were domestic beers and the Vodka drinks were singles made with bottom-shelf product. What the hell?”

The UPS driver — who secured the high-risk, high-interest loan after meeting with lenders at Saratoga National Bank on Friday — said he had no idea his spontaneous act of generosity would have such an adverse effect on his financial future.

“I'm barely making ends meet now, and these second mortgages are a killer. I could lose my house if things go south.”

Tipper Lemming, spokesperson for the consumer group Citizens for Reasonably Priced Concessions, sees this as a simple case of price gouging.

“You have a seller spiking prices to a level much higher than the consumer considers fair,” said Lemming. “Not only is it exploitative, but when you consider that Mr. Turle also had to endure an evening listening to Adam Duritz moan about all the gorgeous movie stars he seems to think he's being forced to bang, it's unethical as well.”

In response to the accusations, SPAC management released the following statement:
“We stand behind our policy to fuck as many people in the wallet as we can while they're stuck inside our gates — like rats in a cage — enjoying quality entertainment.”

In addition to the lien, Turle said he may have to apply for a home equity line of credit due to the property damage his small family caused when they were told there would be no trip to Disney this year.

“It's going to be a tough few years,” Turle acknowledged. “I'll probably have to dip into my 401k earlier than I would have liked, and I'll be working well into my 70's for sure. I just hope my daughters decide to forego college and marriage until after I die.

“I'm really living the dream now,” he added. “and it's all because of a few lukewarm Pabst Blue Ribbons.”


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