Wall Aims to Stem Flow of South Colonie Migrants into North’s Tony Confines

By Fenwick Jolsen

Published September 20th, 2015

COLONIE — In a controversial move that will leave her town literally divided, Colonie Supervisor Cricket Johnson is moving ahead unilaterally with a plan to build a wall separating North and South Colonie.

“The desire to live in harmony has been trumped by the escalating hostilities between residents in Colonie’s northern and southern territories,” said Johnson. “I’ve talked about building this wall for a long time and no one thought it was possible. But I’m finally turning rhetoric into action and making good on my pledge to do something stupid and costly.”

Anton Diamond, who lives in the exclusive Loudonville neighborhood of East Hills off 155, said a wall is the only way to stop South Colonie “peasants” from pouring into the north and stealing jobs.

“Just walk into any business along Route 9 — Five Guys, Red Robin, Firehouse Subs, Dunkin Donuts — every goddamn worker is from the south,” said Diamond.

When reminded that he’s a gynecologist and his children refuse to work at any job that requires weekend and evening hours and pays minimum wage, Diamond said: “You’re missing my point. These people are from South Colonie — they don’t belong here.”

The wall will start at the intersection of Everett and Sand Creek, snake west to Osborne Road and then north to the corner of Albany Shaker. From there, it will continue west down Albany Shaker to Wolf Road and then back up Sand Creek to Watervliet Shaker and west down Consaul Road. The estimated cost is $93 million.

“The price is a bit less than initially expected since we are buying the material from Bargain Outlet instead of Lowes,” said Johnson. “Nonetheless, I assure you I will force South Colonie to pay for it.”

Told that the government representing South Colonie is the exact same one that represents North Colonie, Johnson said: “Well, then, I’ll be making good on my promise won’t I?”

South Colonie resident Earl Bottoms shook his head in disgust as he watched excavators prepare the wall’s base along Sand Creek.

“I just want a better life for my family,” said Bottoms. “Right now, we live in a raised ranch, I drive a 2014 Chevy Cruz and my kids buy their clothes at T.J. Maxx. Is it so wrong for us to aspire to one day own a used Audi, shop at Banana Republic and live in an overpriced Colonial along Maxwell Road?”

Pepper Norstrum, a Colonie town councilman, said he believe Johnson’s actions rise to the level of impeachment.

“Cricket is clearly playing to the xenophobia that runs rampant in parts of North Colonie,” Norstrum said. “That woman’s lost her mind. Her hair is kind of crazy too.”


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