Poll: 38 Percent of Area Men Say They’d ‘Do’ Disgraced Prison Seamstress
By Fred Furnace
Published September 27th, 2015
ALBANY – A new University of Albany poll has found that more than a third of Capital Region men would fornicate with the female prison worker who in June helped two Clinton County Correctional Facility inmates escape, adding they admired the ingenuity and loyalty of the woman nicknamed “The Shaw-Skank Seamstress.”
“The results are surprising,” says Nicole Feldman, a graduate student in the UAlbany Psychology department who helped administer the study. “Our hypothesis was that local men would be overwhelmingly disgusted by this woman, but a surprising number of those polled said they would actually like to nail her.”
Of those admitting they’d have sex with the seamstress, many said they appreciated her loyalty, sense of adventure, and her “willingness to give blow jobs when asked, even to a prisoner and even when at work.” An overwhelming number of survey participants also noted that they “appreciate her willingness to smuggle meat in the name of love.”
“I’m sorry, but those traits are just sexy,” said one man. “I don’t even care what she looks like. Sign me up."
Meanwhile, sixty-two percent of area men claim they would not have sex with the seamstress, noting her “heinous” appearance, failure to adhere to plans made well in advance, lack of fidelity to her spouse, and an utter disregard for rules established by her employer.
“Her inability to follow even the most basic of workplace rules just doesn’t sit well with me,” said one man. “That’s a major turn-off.”
“I’d rather do either of the actual convicts,” another respondent noted. “Even the dead one.”
The poll found the seamstress had the most fans in Schenectady, where a whopping 65 percent of men said they would have sex with the woman if given the chance. Feldman called that number “surprising,” since 53 percent of those same men also noted the woman “looks just like my mom.”
Regardless of where people came out on the question of intercourse, nearly all men in the area — 99 percent — agreed the seamstress “looks exactly like every school lunch lady or crossing guard I have ever seen in my entire life.”
The full results are available for free on the UAlbany website, located at www.UAlbany.edu/poll-results/CapitalRegion/sexyseamstress/gross.