Three Inducted Into White Trash Hall of Fame

By Fred Furnace

Published October 4th, 2015

The White Trash Hall of Fame — Rome, NY

ROME — A trio of Capital Region residents was inducted into the White Trash Hall of Fame during a ceremony Saturday in this downtrodden Central New York city once home to an Air Force base, medium-security state prison and hope.

Larry Milker of Cohoes, Margery Hamper of Watervliet and newlywed Candice Hasslemug of Green Island were honored for "exemplifying, through their actions and lifestyle choices, all the qualities that people come to expect from the white trash community,” said White Trash HOF President Dirt Martian.

Hasslemug received the honor after agreeing to spend her wedding night at the Saratoga Harness Racetrack, where she watched her new hubby Roger, 20 years her senior, get drunk on Bud Light and blow most of the $80 they had been saving for their honeymoon.  Candy spent the rest of the evening playing penny slots in her wedding dress, until her cigarettes and money were all gone.  The couple eventually hitchhiked home, with Candy eventually agreeing to blow the driver in exchange for a $20 bill and a McDonald's Extra Value Meal.

She posted photos of the big night on Facebook, noting, "We lost at the track, but won in love! Candy + Roger = 4-Ever!"

Milker was honored for having two active clothes lines in the yard of his White Street apartment, which he says he "uses all the time, even during the winter months." Milker was also recognized for his “fantastic” mullet, still using a 19-inch television and built-in VCR, drinking Genny Cream Ale, and relying solely on public transportation to get around even though he lives in a small town in upstate New York.

"Larry Milker is world class white trash," Martian said. "Cohoes has itself a keeper there."

Rounding out the local inductees was Hamper, an unmarried mother of four from Watervliet, who was honored for her “lifetime commitment to white trash values.” Hamper lives in a one-bedroom apartment owned by the ex-husband of her former mother-in-law, whom she admits to “sometimes fooling around with when I’m drunk or desperate.”

Hamper, who was once threatened with criminal charges after seducing her eldest daughter’s 16-year-old boyfriend, claims she can no longer work due to a bad case of "the carpet tunnel syndrome," and thus spends most days on her front stoop in her flip-flops, “keeping up with what’s going on in the neighborhood.”

"We are so proud to have Candy, Larry and Margery in our hall of fame,” Martian concluded. “We only wished the Greyhound bus they were on hadn’t broken down somewhere outside of Utica, because we would have loved for them to have celebrated with us in person.”


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