Mystery Crusader Rescues Region During Recent Flooding
By Fred Furnace and Pug Ransom
Published October 11th, 2015
Superhero takes a break to enjoy a beer at Friday's
ALBANY – Capital Region authorities are crediting a mysterious local super hero with coming to the rescue of scores of people during last Wednesday’s massive flooding.
The unidentified caped crusader — said to look like a cross between WNYT weatherman Bob Kovachick and Beyonce — freed numerous residents from various threatening predicaments throughout Albany County during the Sept. 30 storms.
“I really didn’t get a look at his face, since he was moving so quickly and wearing a mask,” said Mindy Phillips, who watched as the superhero rescued a stranded motorist trapped inside a Volkswagen Rabbit on Western Avenue in front of Stuyvesant Plaza. “He appeared out of nowhere, really. All I can really tell you is he smelled a little bit like a cheese.”
Rebb Neeson, the day manager at Friday’s in the Stuyvesant Plaza, said his staff had a brief encounter with the hero.
“He burst into the restaurant in a flash, ordered a Three-for-All platter for the motorist he rescued, paid for it and scrammed,” Neeson said. “What’s more, he tipped 21 percent. Hell of a guy, I tell ya.”
Sheriff Craig Apple also reported the hero rescued a family near Bethlehem, which was trapped inside their home along the rushing Normans Kill.
“Whoever that guy was, he got the family out of there and set them up for the night in a motel along Central Avenue,” the sheriff said. “Unfortunately, there was a raid on that motel later that night where a prostitution ring was busted, but that’s completely unrelated. This guy’s a hero.”
Apple said the hero also appeared at a number of homes along Sumpter Street in Colonie, where he brought trapped residents hotdogs and ice cream from a nearby Stewarts.
“Made my fucking night, yo,” said 19-year-old Petey VanValkenburgh, one of the stranded residents.
Besides the somewhat confusing description and report that he smells like cheese, local authorities said they know precious little about the caped crusader.
“We don’t know what he looks like, what powers he possesses, or even the color-scheme of his costume,” Apple said. “But his timing is impeccable. While we’d like to know who this guy is, we don’t want any nut-jobs calling us directly. Instead, we are asking people to contact the Smudge. They’ll know what to do.”
Authorities ask anyone with information or photographs of the mysterious super hero to email the Smudge at email@example.com.