Study: Rise in Circular Logic Attributed to Local Roundabouts

By Dodie Fingerton

Published October 11th, 2015

Malta from GoogleEarth (©2015—The Albany Smudge)

MALTA — New research suggests that prolonged exposure to traffic circles could be the reason why Malta residents have suddenly become impossible to argue with.

A three-year study conducted by the Psychology Department at Menands City County College has found a direct correlation between people who drive in circles and people who think in circles.

“It's quite interesting,” said Jody Bump, lead researcher of the MCCC study. “As opposed to people who move in relatively linear, rational travel patterns, residents of Malta are 500-times more likely to engage in circular logic when caught in a debate.”

This type of defective thought process occurs when someone attempts to support the premise of their argument with another premise instead of a conclusion, according to Bump.

“Since the roundabouts were built in 2011, ‘I'm right because I'm right’-type logic has grown exponentially,” noted Bump. “Most of the people we studied believe that A is true because B is true, and that B is true because A is true. That's astonishing.”

Malta Town Councilman Todd Cuppy disagrees.

“This study is absurd in view of the fact that it's wildly pointless,” he told The Smudge. “Roundabouts can't effect the way people reason because they're just roads, and roads are gravel and gravel is stone, and stones, like sticks, can break our bones but names will never hurt us.”

Circular logic expert and part-time civil engineer, Dr. Ian Hobbitman, admits he has no idea what Cuppy is talking about but said the logic he displayed is classically circular, nonetheless.

“Most of the time circularity can be difficult to detect if it involves a longer chain of propositions. But not in this case. Mr. Cuppy's argument is idiotic, and not because he's an idiot— see, that would be circular reasoning— but because it's inherently flawed.”

Cuppy — who concluded that Hobbitman's hypothesis was so far over his head it must be erroneous —went on to praise the spherical traffic patterns, saying “they're great at reducing congestion because since they've been built, congestion has been reduced.”

As for Bump and her team of researchers, their next stop is the Village of Round Lake, where they believe a near-perfect circular body of water has been adversely affecting rationale since 1867.


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