Man Pretends To Like Apple-Picking to Please Wife

By Curtis Riboflavin

Published October 25th, 2015

Jarf Bradley and his wife Fiona picking apples last Sunday.

GUILDERLAND – A local newlywed is lying through his teeth to please his new bride, claiming to be “psyched” about going apple-picking, according to people close to the couple.

Jarf Bradley, 27, has missed four of the last five Sundays of the NFL season to visit antique shops, drive to outlet stores and bargain-hunt for patio furniture. And now Fiona, his wife of three months, wants Jarf to spend next Sunday apple picking.

Friends say they overheard Jarf tell his wife he is “really psyched” about the idea. But in reality, said his friends, the fun-loving Bradley is privately agonizing over his lost Sundays — particularly since his beloved Cincinnati Bengals are undefeated for the first time since 1988.

Making matters worse, Jarf’s wife has hinted at plans for future weekends to be filled with visits to pumpkin patches, a honey festival and a trip to the Olana historic site. After that, sources say, the new bride wants to do more apple picking.

“How ‘bout them apples?” Fiona reportedly asked Jarf.  “Sounds awesome babe!” Jarf is said to have replied. 

  But friends are skeptical.  

“Jarf is in denial. Let’s face it, apple-picking sucks,” said Tim Nards, 28, of Colonie and Jarf’s friend since childhood. 

Lance Dorothy, a spokesman for Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s new state Department of Love, said apple picking is one of the most popular activities shared between married couples in New York state. But, a survey taken in Bro's Over Ho's Magazine determined that 99.9 percent of men detest apple picking – and some don’t even like apples.

"The data is clear,” said Mick Joffrey, a spokesman for the magazine. “Apple-picking is one of the leading reasons that half of all marriages end in divorce.”


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