Burger Battle Leads New Latham Eatery to Serve  ‘People’ Patties

By Quack Davis

Published October 25th, 2015

Malta from GoogleEarth (©2015—The Albany Smudge)

COLONIE – The suddenly competitive field of hip burger joints along Route 9 in Latham will soon include a restaurant selling human meat patties.

“It's People Burger!” will open next month to whet the appetites of burger-craving carnivores clamoring to add new tastes to a strip that includes Red Robin, Burger 21, Five Guys and Burger-FI.

Only this time, the menu will include man meat. 

“There’s a lot of fish in the sea between all these burger joints,” said Bruce Honker II, president and CEO of It's People Burger. " So this time, we’re putting the fisherman on the menu, and he’s gonna be delicious!”

Honker, a highly trained chef who graduated from the Culinary Institute of Borneo, said the basic “PeopleBurger” — lettuce, onions and a pickle — will cost $3.99.

A “PeopleBurger Plus” — cheese and bacon added — will cost $7.99.  The “Double-Dude” — two burgers — will cost an extra $2. The “Triple-Folk” — three burgers — will be an extra $3.

Meanwhile, the “Youngins Burger”— part of a kids menu made from children — will be priced at 99 cents.

Appetizers will include “Frankie Fingers,” a combination of human and soy; the dumpling-esque “Fried Earthling;” and "SUE-she," a seaweed-and-rice covered treat made from uncooked women named Sue.

“It’s a gambit, no question,” said Rick Astley Jr., editor and chief of Hamburger Weekly.  “But I think 'It's People Burger' is really thinking outside the box. And by box, of course, I mean coffin because that’s where they get their meat.”

Curious Williamson, a burger activist from Troy, said he was willing to try “It's People Burger.” But, he was concerned customers might be considered cannibals and face criminal charges just for having lunch. He also was worried meals there might contain too much cholesterol.

Honker said not to worry.

“We were able to obtain a waiver from the New York State Department of Health, so you’re not breaking any laws,” the proud CEO said.  “Well, not unless it’s a crime to eat a great meal!”


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