UAlbany Student Dating Girl With Pastel-Colored Hair

By Quack Davis

Published November 8th, 2015

From Jessica Joffrey's LinkedIn page

EAST GREENBUSH  -- If you think, as Kermit the Frog once said, it isn’t easy being green; try being 24-year-old Doug Boats — the guy whose girlfriend has green hair.

“It was cool when she dyed her hair red and stuff,” Boats said of his significant other, Jessica Joffreys. “But now she looks like a sweaty leprechaun.”

Boats, a club rugby star at UAlbany, is one of many Capital Region men confused over whether the current trend of women dying their hair blue, green, pink and other bright colors is sexy — or something more suited for the head of a Muppet.

Deeto Mason, 27, of Clifton Park, broke up with sultry Monica Wagers — his racy girlfriend of two years — because she put a blue streak through her hair.

“I warned her that I’d break up with her if she kept that Smurf hair,” Mason told The Smudge while pumping iron.  “She played a dangerous chess match and she lost.”

But women in the region say pastel-colored hair is here to stay.

“I’m a proud green woman. Deal with it,” said Joffreys.

“You go, girl!” hollered Samantha Sketch, 28, who boasts pink, red and orange hair on her partly shaved head. “Pastel Nation: Represent!”

Marty Bax, a spokesman for the state Department of Love, said the agency strongly encourages couples to go to counseling to work through the challenges that pastel-colored hair can pose. But, he noted, “gems come in all colors, too.”

Older men, meanwhile, say a woman’s hair color doesn’t matter at all.

"What really matters is below the waist," said 44-year-old Andre Bacon of Rexford, who bears a strong resemblance to Glenn Quagmire from televsion’s Family Guy. “Oh, yeah, and their mind. Um… a woman’s mind matters, too.”


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