Albany Lawyer Wows Screening Panel with Fancy Vocabulary

By Curtis Riboflavin

Published December 6th, 2015

ALBANY – A candidate for the highest court in New York state left members of a stodgy judicial screening committee buzzing last week when he dropped “fancy-schmancy words” and “lawyer talk” in his interview, sources said.

Melvin Rabbit II of Albany said the words “prima facie” 17 times in his first minute of speaking and also said “to wit” 49 times during his interview. He then dropped terms such as “panoply of rights,” “effectuate” and “mens rea” more than once.

“This guy hit it out of the park,” said a source close to Gov. Andrew Cuomo, who will make the ultimate appointment to the Court of Appeals. “The panel members had no idea what this candidate was talking about. That's exactly the type of confusing legal jargon the committee is looking for on the state's highest court."

Sources said Rabbit scored more points with the 16-member panel when he used  “administratix,” “testator” and “revocatory intent” in describing his legal acumen. He referred to dead people as “decedents,” prompting smiles among the panel of smug experts and pseudo-intellectuals.

“As obsequious as I am to appear before your honors, I feel it my humble duty to ameliorate my bourgeoisie vocabulary,” Rabbit said to the panel.

The screening committee is interviewing candidates to replace outgoing Chief Judge Jonathan Lippman who turned 70 and therefore, by state law, must retire and move to Florida.

“I am beyond impressed by your integrity and intellectual lexicon, good sir,” said Gnuzzle Stuart, a high-powered Manhattan lawyer and chairman of the screening committee.

“Do you always use such fancy-schmancy words?” inquired committee member Potato Anderson. “We are all very impressed by your lawyer talk. Can we be sure you’ll be this confusing if you are named to the high court?”

“Indubitably,” Rabbit said.

“You will find that I often use words such as ‘writ’ and ‘collateral estoppel’ even when I’m talking to friends about the Mets,” the candidate continued.  “I am, indeed, an impressive candidate if I don’t say so myself.”


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