Yuppie Attorney Chastised By Family For Behaving Responsibly

By Fenwick Jolsen

Published December 6th, 2015

COBLESKILL — Gigi Hoffenstetter was caught completely off guard.

“Never in a million years did I anticipate walking in to that room and seeing everyone sitting there,” she said. “When I opened the door, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. The look of disappointment on their faces — I just wanted to die.”

The 29-year-old lawyer had arrived at her aunt’s Cobleskill home expecting a quiet visit with her elderly relative. Instead, to her dismay, she learned she was the target of a full-scale intervention, staged by family members concerned that Hoffenstetter had waited until she was educated, married and employed before having a child.

“We have a long history of teen pregnancy in this family,” said Edna Hoffenstetter, Gigi’s great-aunt who had three children by age 17. “Her waiting to have that baby of hers until everything in her life was just so… I worry about the message that sends to the young girls in our family.”

Blossom Hoffenstetter, 16, agreed.

“I’m just glad I didn’t turn out like her,” said Blossom, as she took a drag from her cigarette while rubbing her pregnant belly. “By the time I’m her age, I’ll probably have four or five kids — probably by three different dads. Now that’s what I call ‘accomplished.’”

Gigi, who grew up in Cobleskill, a bucolic suburb of Binghamton 40 miles from Albany, graduated high school early. She received a full scholarship to Union College and, from there, obtained her law degree from Georgetown. Upon returning to the Capital Region, she married a doctor of internal medicine. The couple now lives in Guilderland with their year-old daughter, Rebecca.

“What’s all that book learning got her?” said Nell Hoffenstetter, Gigi’s 45-year-old mother. “A woman is as only good as the litter she produces. One kid? That ain’t no litter. That’s pathetic.”

Collingsworth Littlefield, head of Transvaginal Research and Maternity at the Capital Region Psychiatric Hospital, studied the Hoffenstetter family.

“Based on my examination, it appears Gigi suffers from a tremendous sense of self worth,” said Littlefield. “When you combine that self worth with an excellent education and her apparent desire to make something out of herself, what you often end up with is a professional woman who is successful and appears to have it all. Clearly, given the rest of her family, I can see how this is the source of genuine concern amongst the Hoffenstetter clan.”

When told of Littlefield’s prognosis, Dorothy-Alice Hoffenstetter, Gigi’s cousin and a 21-year-old mother of six, snorted.

“Ha,” she said. “I always knew that girl was weird.”


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