Group Claims Colonie Would Be Less Lame With New Name

By Fenwick Jolsen

Published December 13th, 2015

COLONIE — A civic-minded hipster group here is hoping to change South Colonie’s low-budget image by giving it a fancy nickname that it hopes will catch on not only throughout the Capital Region but nationwide.

Blaze Anders — president of Colonie Doesn’t Suck, Yo — outlined his group’s campaign before the Town Council on Thursday, unveiling plans for billboards, T-shirts, bumper stickers and road signs all emblazoned with the slogan: “SoCo? So Cool!”

“It’s time we let people know how rad this town is,” Anders told councilmembers. “Think about it: Southern California is SoCal; Boston is Beantown, Detroit is Motown and even Buffalo these days is called the B-Lo. We need a cool name, too. The time is now and the time is right for SoCo. Let’s do it!”

Anders said his group was looking for an allocation from the town of $8,000. He estimated the promotional items and marketing would cost about $7,000. The remaining $1,000, he said, would be used to throw a town-wide kegger in the former K-Mart parking lot just off Central Avenue at the corner of New Karner Road.

“We’re totally stoked,” Anders told reporters outside Town Hall as he drew a hit off his vape pen. “We’re going to turn this into a bitchin’ place.”

Town Supervisor Cricket Johnson said she was “intrigued” with the “SoCo” idea.

“I think now that we’ve pushed all of the pedophiles and other creeps out of town, it’s time to show people that we’re more than just a home for the world’s largest number of mattress and auto parts stores,” Johnson said.

But Rufus Luntz, the council’s most far-right member, said he has no plans on voting in favor of the proposed expenditure.

“What the hell is a SoCo?” Luntz asked, confused. “Goddamn hippies. This is a town for nice families and Republicans. Commies and Beatniks aren’t welcome. SoCo… that Anders guy is retarded.”


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