Source: AG’s Fantasy Sports Probe Motivated by Sour Grapes

By Pug Ransom

Published December 27th, 2015

ALBANY —The decision by New York’s attorney general to target Draft Kings and Fan Duel may have nothing at all to do with illegal gambling, The Albany Smudge has learned.

A source close to the state’s top law enforcement official claims the decision to issue cease-and-desist letters to the two fantasy sports wagering sites was made by Attorney General Eric Schneiderman only after he was beaten badly one Sunday by a 9-year-old girl who is a part of the same fantasy football pool to which Schneiderman used to belong.

“He’s always been an intense competitor,” the source told the Smudge. “But that intensity has also led him to be a really sore loser. I once beat him in a game of Checkers and he not only cleared the entire board of all its pieces with a furious arm swipe, he flipped over the kitchen table on which we were playing. I mean, the dude hates losing.”

In a Nov. 5 press release issued by the Attorney General’s Office, Schneiderman said:

“Unlike traditional fantasy sports, daily fantasy sports companies are engaged in illegal gambling under New York law, causing the same kinds of social and economic harms as other forms of illegal gambling, and misleading New York consumers. Daily fantasy sports is neither victimless nor harmless, and it is clear that DraftKings and FanDuel are the leaders of a massive, multi-billion-dollar scheme intended to evade the law and fleece sports fans across the country.  Today we have sent a clear message: not in New York, and not on my watch.”

But Tamu Wallop — the source who agreed to speak to the region’s leading source of fake news on the condition his name not be used — said the attorney general has been “stewing” ever since a disastrous Week 5 performance in which he was “thumped” by the fourth-grade Brownie, who besides being a whiz at fantasy sports is also president of the Justin Bieber Fan Club’s Clifton Park chapter.

“The girl has been in total ‘beast Mode’ all season,” the source said.

The Smudge caught up with Schneiderman on Friday as he stood on line at a newsstand in the Capitol, waiting to buy a Lotto ticket and his daily fistful of scratch-off tickets.

“That’s total nonsense,” the attorney general said when asked about Wallop’s claims. “My one and only motivation is protecting the residents of this great state. And for the record, not only does that 9-year-old cheat, she’s a four-eyed loser who always has food stuck in her braces.”


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