Cuomo Fearing His Favorability Rating Will Rise

By Pug Ransom

Published January 3rd, 2016

ALBANY — A private poll conducted at the request of the Cuomo administration has left New York’s governor worrying he is losing his grip on being the nation’s most thin-skinned and vindictive bully in American politics.

Pollster G.G. Allen, speaking on the condition his name not be used, confirmed to The Albany Smudge that he was hired to survey voters and found that Donald Trump has an “asshole” rating of 63 percent — a number that threatens to surpass Cuomo’s 64 percent mark.

“In the minds of a lot of people, Donald Trump is boorish and viewed as a guy who can dish it out but can’t take it,” said Allen. “People especially don’t like the fact that when Trump doesn’t get his way, he either attacks like a school-yard bully or becomes the kid who just picks up his ball and goes home pouting.

“Until now, this was the governor’s modus operandi,” Allen added. “There was no one better. But The Donald has proven he’s as unlikable as Andrew ever dreamed of being.”

Cuomo, however, flatly denied he ordered such a poll, reminding reporters that he has taken several steps over the last year to soften his image and become a better person.

“If you’ll recall, I joined the Big Brother program and created the state’s first-ever Department of Love,” said the governor. “And even more significant, I adopted that fucking Himalayan bunny. I’m as soft and cuddly as that goddamn rabbit and people love me.”

Meanwhile, Trump said he has no plans to portray himself as either kinder or gentler.

“In business — or prison — you show any sign of weakness and you wind up taking it in the ass,” he said. “The same goes for politics. The more people hate me, the more electable I become. This is America. That’s how it works.”


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