Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow? City Mulls Man-Bun Ban

By Fenwick Jolsen

Published January 17th, 2016

WATERVLIET — The Watervliet City Council will hold a special meeting Monday night to vote on whether to make “man-buns” illegal within the city’s limits.

“This is a measure that is long overdue,” said City Councilman Rocco Corrigliano, the bill’s sponsor. “I get the creeps every time I see some pansy ass wearing his hair in an up-do like he’s some guy’s date to the prom. Take that malarkey to Saratoga or Lark Street. We don’t tolerate that nonsense here.”

The “man-bun” — also known as the “bro-bun” — is a hairstyle that has been gaining in popularity among womanly men since 2013. The style is donned often by hippies, soccer players, baristas and “fruits,” said UAlbany Sociologist M. Frank Rollins.

“The men wearing man-buns are confused,” said Rollins. “But really, it’s not their fault. In fact, the whole girly-man phenomenon can actually be traced back to — or blamed on — Alan Alda, who is singlehandedly responsible for pussifying the American male.”

Rollins said while men in Europe were the first segment of society to embrace the hairstyle, the very first man-bun ever to be worn was actually donned by Schenectady’s very own Ann B. Davis, who played Alice the housekeeper on the Brady Bunch.

When told by the Smudge that Davis was a woman, Rollins replied: “No fucking way!”

Meanwhile, Corrigliano said banning the man-bun in Watervliet makes perfect sense since the rough-and-tumble city is “the last bastion of manliness in the Capital Region.”

“Look around,” said Corrigliano. “We may not be pretty, but we ain’t no fuckin’ queers. Damn straight: we’ll cut ya here just as soon as look at ya.”


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