Sean Penn's Next Interview? NYS Assembly

By Scott Salad

Published January 17th, 2016

Sean Penn (photo by Sachyn Mital)/NYS Assembly (Photo by Matt Wade)

ALBANY — With the majority of the New York state Assembly in hiding after voting against legislation designed to limit corruption, The Smudge has learned Sean Penn— fresh off his Rolling Stone interview with Mexican drug-lord El Chapo — has been granted an exclusive interview with the missing lawmakers.

“Sean is traveling to Albany, hoping that a detailed exploration into the failure of this legislation will make a logical companion piece to his El Chapo expose',” said Penn spokesman Maynard Giff.

Giff — careful not to reveal information that could compromise the A-List actor's safety — said that apart from Penn's arrival at Albany International Airport on Saturday, he knows very little.

“When Sean lands he's scheduled to meet with a contact who calls himself ‘Elizondo.’ If things go as planned, he'll destroy his cell phone before boarding a small plane that will take him to a heavily guarded dirt airstrip. Once there, he's likely to embark on a 7-hour Jeep ride through dense forest to a concealed location. A traditional Adirondack lunch will be served and he'll be granted a formal interview with the assembly. But apart from that, it's hard to say how things will play out.”

Penn's clandestine trip comes a week after the Democratic majority defeated a proposal to cap the amount of bullshit representatives can spew. They also downed a measure that made it illegal for lawmakers to award huge state contracts to themselves, and one to ban the popular online game “Which Hot Lobbyists Would You Dick-Pic and Why?”

As to how the interview came to be, Giff remained tight-lipped, leading some to speculate that Kate del Castillo — the Mexican actress responsible for brokering the El Chapo meeting — was again brought in to facilitate.

“Katie knows these guys well. She's like a daughter to them,” said one political insider.

Castillo all but confirmed her involvement in a Wednesday morning tweet that read: @NYSAssembly: Wouldn't it be cool to corrupt in the interest of love? Let us corrupt with love. You know how.

Critics, however, question the ethics behind the interview.

“These people just voted for continued governmental corruption. Now some hotshot actor's gonna play God and a liberal commie rag's gonna profit off it. Big surprise. And on top that, Obummer's gonna take my guns!” a mildly retarded right-wing white guy told the Smudge.

For his part, Penn denied any wrongdoing.

In an email exchange he told The Smudge: "Unlike New York state's elected officials, I will have nothin' to hide."


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