Colonie Man Has a Bee in His Bonnet

By Dodie Fingerton

Published February 7th, 2016

One of the many signs Chazz Funderbunk has in front of his home in Colonie.

COLONIE — What's eating 47-year-old Chazz Funderbunk?

Apparently everything.

The part-time automotive center sales clerk is a full-time curmudgeon, according to everyone who knows him.

“He's definitely got a bee in his bonnet,” said neighbor Torman Snit. “The guy doesn't like anything. All he does is bitch and moan and make people feel stupid for liking things that he doesn't — which is pretty much everything.”

Snit said the two came to blows earlier this year after Funderbunk berated his 9-year-old daughter for accepting a soccer trophy even though she quit half way through the season.

“He also made my 7-year-old son feel stupid for liking Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

On top of that, says Snit, Funderbunk “kind of acted like an ass” when he tried to make peace with him. “So get this, I offered him a beer. You know what he said to me? He said 'Nah, I don't drink 'canned beer.' Can you believe that?”

Apparently people can.

“Wait, someone said Chazz has a bee in his bonnet?” said his poor wife, Nancy. “Oh no, try a whole colony. But I love the big goof, even though he makes almost everyone around him uncomfortable.”

Besides canned beer, blockbusters and children's recreational soccer, Nancy Funderbunk said her beloved husband of 23 years also hates the radio station 102.7 WEQX, HBO's Game of Thrones, Fleet Foxes, the NFL, David Foster Wallace's “Infinite Jest,” hipsters, gum, Evan Dando, ESPN, carnies, children's party clowns, physician's assistants, people who chew gum, Alan Alda, man buns and people who make fun of Canada.

When asked if that implied that he actually liked Canada, Funderbunk told the Smudge, “not necessarily.”

“Do I have a bee in my bonnet?” he asked. “Really? What kind of a jerk goes around asking people if they have a bee in their bonnet? Man, that's retarded.”


RELATED ARTICLES

• Self Flagellation Costs Whacking Weimaraner His Vision
• Area Hospital to Focus on Helping Chronic Penis Shutterbugs
Cuomo Fearing His Favorability Rating Will Rise
• Lily-White Woman Exposed as Subtle Racist During Gaffe with Good Samaritans
• Crescent Man Learns He's a ‘Cuckold’