Colonie Eager For New Hotel Plan To Take Off

By Pug Ransom

Published February 28th, 2016

COLONIE – In keeping with the town’s tradition of building hotels in astoundingly goofy places, officials Thursday announced plans for a new 600-room hotel to be constructed on the runway of Albany International Airport.

“When it comes to building hotels in weird and stupid places, no one does it better than Colonie,” said Town Supervisor Cricket Johnson. “Sure, it’s getting harder and harder to outdo our own idiocy. But, I believe this time we’ve succeeded.”

Bronx developer Len “G-Unit” DiFlippo said the proposed hotel is part of an overall plan to expand his regional prostitution business, which he promotes via the personals on Craigslist.

“A lot of dudes come to Albany on business, and while they're in town they are looking for ‘a little something-something to do’ if you catch my drift,” said DiFlippo. “Well, I provide that something, and now, I can provide the place where they can do that something.”

But fed-up Colonie resident Nard Lanford said “another stupid hotel in another stupid place is the last thing this town needs.”

“First, they built one on Ulenski Drive off Wolf Road, which is a fucking residential street. A residential street! Who does that?” said Lanford. “Then, they literally put another one in the Macy’s parking lot over at the mall. And now they’ve got one going up across the street from the public library. Why? It makes no sense.”

“Ok, I admit,” said Johnson, “as far as Ulenski Drive goes, we were just fucking with people. Hey, ya gotta have some fun, right? But look, these hotels all make sense because of their proximity to the airport. That’s our excuse for every dumb thing we do: ‘It’s close to the airport.’

“This time around, we just figured, ‘What the hell, let’s just build the next hotel at the airport. And better yet, how about the runway!' Really, what’s more convenient for travelers than stepping off their plane, onto the tarmac and into their hotel? It’s a win-win.”


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