‘Punch-Out Buggy’ Game An Internet Hit With Local Assholes

By Fred Furnace

Published March 6th, 2016

Police say that had Hitler been seen in this Beetle today, the Fuhrer would have
been “knocked-the-fuck out.”

ALBANY – Law enforcement officials are warning Volkswagen Beetle owners to stay in their homes, as attacks perpetrated by random young people are becoming increasingly commonplace. 

Even worse, police say, the attacks are being filmed and shared with the public via social media.

The phenomenon known locally as the “Punch–Out Buggy” game is a combination of the "knockout game” — whereby an assailant attempts to knock-out an unsuspecting stranger with a sucker punch, usually while the assailant’s buddies video tape the attack — and the old “punch buggy game,” whereby the first kid to spot a Volkswagen Beetle punches another kid in the arm while shouting “punch buggy yellow!”

“Basically, local teens have combined the two, and are now knocking-out unsuspecting drivers of Volkswagen Beetles,” explained Albany Police Captain Morris Fillborn. “It’s despicable.

“And VW Beetle drivers usually aren’t tough guys or muscle men, if you know what I mean,” he added. “These people are sitting ducks.”

Mikey Thomasonville, a Shaker High School senior and aspiring frat boy, admits to getting “a rush” from attacking total strangers in order to impress other total strangers on the Internet.

“It’s freakin’ awesome,” he said. “People flip over these videos. And it’s a great way for young people to bond.”

“Yeah, this is way better than just knocking out some random person at a bus stop,” agreed Timothy Clarkenberger, a sixth-year sophomore at HVCC and ‘roided-out gym rat. 

Clarkenberger says he now exclusively attacks strangers driving VW Beetles and no longer bothers with attacks against unsuspecting homeless.

“It’s more of a thinking-man’s version of the knockout game,” he reasoned. “You might have to follow someone all the way home from the supermarket. But once he or she gets out of their car — Wham!”

Albany police say there were nine reports of "Punch-Out Buggy" attacks last month, and that number is expected to rise heading into the spring and summer.

“If you drive a VW Beetle, you may want to consider finding a new set of wheels,” Fillborn warned. “Unfortunately, this looks like the new reality.”


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