Source: Cuomo to 'bamboozle' Vermont into taking Hoosick Falls
By Quack Davis
Published March 13th, 2016
Downtown Hoosick Falls, VT (Photo by Daniel Case)
ALBANY -- Gov. Andrew Cuomo quietly instructed top aides this week to clandestinely move the state's "Welcome to New York" signs to Brunswick to trick Vermont officials into believing that Hoosick Falls is part of their state.
The governor giddily told confidantes he would "bamboozle" Vermont politicians into taking over responsibility for Hoosick Falls and its water crisis, a person with knowledge of the plan said.
Sources said Cuomo has wanted to jettison western Rensselaer County from the state since he took office, but was preoccupied terrifying state workers and children. The water crisis expedited the plan.
"It was a pain in the butt to move the signs but the deed is done," said an insider apprised of the scheme. "You really have to hand it to the governor. Frankly, nobody knew where New York ended and Vermont began anyway."
Rootbeer McFoggarty, 72, a lifelong Hoosick Falls resident, told the Albany Smudge he does not care what state he is in as long as Donald Trump is the next president.
But Michael Bloop, another lifelong Hoosick Falls resident, said he did not wish to live in Vermont.
"They're all a bunch of pot-smoking hippies over there and heck, being a New Yorker is just so much cooler," Bloop said.
Asked if the governor still believes Hoosick Falls is part of New York state, Cuomo spokesman Pork Jeffries said: "This is all part of the governor's plan for the 'New New York.'"
Cheese Dawson, a Democratic strategist, said the move is “politically brilliant” since it expels from New York Republican voters in far Rensselaer County who oppose Cuomo because of his gun control SAFE Act.
"They are Bernie Sanders’ problem now," Dawson said. "Just a brilliant move."