Clinton Visit Puts Cohoes on the Map, Literally

By Scott Salad

Published April 10th, 2016

Photo by Gage Skidmore

COHOES — Map and GPS giant Rand McNally is scrambling to add Cohoes to its maps and satellite imagery after a group of reporters got lost on their way to the Hillary Clinton rally last Monday.

In the hours leading up to the highly anticipated campaign stop, a media contingent that included award-winning reporters and columnists from CNN, The Huffington Post, The New York Times and Rolling Stone, lost their bearings while attempting to find Cohoes.

“Nothing came up when we plugged it into the GPS,” said CNN reporter David Wright. “It's like it didn't exist.”

Things went from bad to worse when Jon Huang of The New York Times purchased a map at a local gas station.

“We were told Cohoes was about eight miles north of Albany,” said Huang. “But according to the map, that put us in a place called Colonie. There was no Cohoes.”

Merrill Stubing, a spokesperson for Rand McNally, apologized for the oversight.

“We're sorry for the mistake, but to tell you the truth, this is the first time we've gotten reports of people intentionally looking for a place called Cohoes,” said Stubing. “If you're unaware there's an error, you can't fix it, right?”

While Clinton spoke to a capacity crowd at Cohoes High School, the lost reporters were sitting six miles away in a near-empty Colonie High School auditorium, where a dress rehearsal for the school's spring production of The Wiz was in full swing.

“We're waiting for Hillary to come out, then the curtain goes up and suddenly four white kids are singing 'Ease on Down the Road,'” said Atlantic reporter Joshua Green. “It was very strange and kind of offensive.”

Rolling Stone scribe Matt Taibbi disagreed.

“In terms of all-white productions of The Wiz, Colonie High really nailed it,” said Taibbi. “The curly-haired fat kid who played the blustery old gatekeeper was hilarious. A total pro.”

“The Tin Man was a stiff,” warned Arianna Huffington of The Huffington Post. “Other than that, it was a nearly flawless production.”

Stubing, meanwhile, assured Rand McNally customers that its top cartographers were working day and night on the problem.

“I promise you that the Rand McNally line of products will be ready the next time a historically significant presidential frontrunner decides to speak in Cohoes.”


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